Wor Lass shares his thoughts on Qatar World Cup, England, Newcastle United and The Mag | OneFootball

As a Brit living in SW France, and generally avoiding the expat community like the plague, I turn to The Mag to feed my craic habit.

After the Mirror Group binned Disqus from the Chronicle site and turned it into a conversational desert with one stroke, my virtual mate Triple M (aka Michael Maximus Moose) PM’d me to recommend The Mag as an alternative venue.

I loved the site straight away and immersed myself instantly in the cut and thrust of NUFC related banter – much to Mrs Lass’s frustration at the loss of mealtime conversation!

One of the most impressive aspects of The Mag is how such a vast range of people contribute articles, serving up a varied and relevant menu for general consumption.

The standard drill is to read the piece, decide whether you agree or disagree (sometimes as simple a job as looking to see who wrote it!) then set about praising or haranguing the author, most commonly the latter. Something described as healthy debate or gratuitous abuse, depending upon which end of the exchange you’re on. The thing is, though, that it always seems more fun to have a go. Like politics, it’s always easier to be in opposition.

Get your ammo ready then because, after a bit of gentle cajoling by one or two regulars, I decided that I really should stick my head above the parapet and submit an article. Payback time!

Robert Browning wrote a beautiful poem, “Home Thoughts From Abroad”, describing his memories of England in Spring time, which was later referenced by Clifford T Ward in his 1973 song of the same name. Whilst I do miss certain aspects of England, mainly the pub, my thoughts from abroad at the moment are centred on the football team rather than the country. Life at Chateau Lass currently centres around the daily serving of footy from the Gulf and our refrain echoes Browning’s immortal words:

“Oh to be in QatarNow the World Cup’s thereAnd now Gareth’s woke up EnglandWe’re gonna land some silverware”

I have to say straight away that I don’t hold with the “London FC” school of thought where the Ingerlund are concerned. They’re my team and I will always support them. Being ensconced in rural France, we have had to not only endure taunts about the country being run by “mini Trump” but also Les Bleus winning the World Cup twice and, far more importantly in our neck of the woods, their rugby team becoming a more dominant force recently in the six nations. Patriotic banter is “de rigueur” and whenever an England team (any sport) is in action, my St George’s flag proudly flutters from the flagpole at the bottom of our garden. During the 2020 six nations, after France beat us, it was nicked and a black bin liner put in it’s place. When I confronted the prime suspect, he said that when he came across at 6 in the morning with the bin liner, the flag had already gone. It mysteriously reappeared a few days later.

Anti Newcastle United conspiracy theories are stock-in-trade on The Mag but I don’t buy it. People don’t intrinsically hate us – when KK and the Entertainers were rampant we were everyone’s second team. Mind you, the events around and following the Sheikover did make me wonder. Hopefully, the current trend of Newcastle United players being selected for England can start to debunk that theory.

Now I have to say that I don’t think Qatar should have been awarded this World Cup in the first place. The whole thing stunk of corruption with our French friends Messieurs Sarkozy and Platini being largely to blame – the only positive being that they stuck it up Mr Blatter, which is always a good thing in my book.

Anyway, the tournament IS on out there, so here are some of my thoughts (from abroad) on proceedings so far.

The knee and rainbow bands

I wish the lads would ditch the knee.

I have absolutely no issue with them wanting to protest against discrimination as it’s something many of them have faced in their careers – especially in Eastern and Southern European venues. Seeing as FIFA’s response so far has been as scary as having your rear end skelped with a wet lettuce I’m not surprised they want to do something, BUT my dad taught me that you stand up to bullies of any kind and look ’em in the eye. Also, the BLM movement has become too closely associated with a murky American socio-political organisation which has had allegations of extreme financial irregularity levelled against it. Do something else lads!

As for the rainbow armbands etc, I don’t mind one way or the other but don’t accept an invitation to a country where wearing them is illegal, then be surprised when you’re faced with reprisals for doing so. In my book, we would have been better off NOT accepting the invitation to the party. Not because of human rights issues, which can be found in most World Cup venues, but because of the unsavoury way in which the award was made.

Everyone’s top nominee for the Mag Village stocks, The Monk, made a brilliant point in his debut article that homosexuality was only legalised in Britain by the Sexual Offences Act of 1967. I remember that instigating a major story line on East Enders (someone told me about it, honest!). Alan Turing, a national hero directly responsible for shortening World War 2 was sentenced the year after I was born!

On balance, given centuries of steady development the West has enjoyed, I think the Arab world can be given a little bit longer to guide their populations out of the Middle Ages. I do wonder, though, what might have befallen the rainbow flag bearing pitch invader, Italian Mario Ferri, who describes himself as “football player” and “modern pirate.” Beheaded at dawn?

When he was appointed, I thought Southgate was no more than another FA poodle. No great track record as a player or manager, an unreliable penalty taker and a poor performer in pizza adverts. However, he won me over with his willingness to bring in young players and his insistence that we play the ball on the deck, even though that ended any hope of Jamaal Lascelles breaking into the England squad (remember the days when we were all calling for that?).

A semi final at the last World Cup (another corrupt bid) and a final at the Euros gives him a great record on paper. Unfortunately, as the late great Brian Clough pointed out, the game is played on grass and – when the chips were down – that’s where Gareth’s tactical limitations and decision making processes have found him out.

There’s an old saying that the best decisions are made based on past experience but that’s where we made all our mistakes. Well England’s showing against the USA would indicate that Gareth hasn’t assimilated the knowledge generated by his tactical schooling in the Euro final. I don’t think Gareth is totally gormless but I do think he needs to borrow a bit of tactical acumen from the likes of Eddie and Pep and maybe study the art of influential substitution at the feet of the Special One. He would also be well advised to only nominate penalty takers from the pool of players who have actually touched the ball during the match.

Of course, after Wales obligingly laid down in our final group game, mysteriously hoping for a 0-0 draw that was never going to be enough, we’re back to being the best thing since sliced bread and King Gareth (but definitely not the Welsh one) walks on water.

The tournament so far

I’ve watched a few games at this Qatar World Cup in their entirety and a lot more “bits”. I think it’s very well organised in general and the games haven’t been as drab as many that I’ve endured in the past. Much as I hate to say so, the team that’s impressed me the most is France. Mbappé in particular is playing out of his skin and looks the best player in the tournament by a long way. Dembele isn’t far behind him. If we get far enough to play them in the quarter finals we can only hope that someone has given those two a good kicking before then.

Portugal claim the title of biggest cheats and play actors (just edging out Uruguay) at this Qatar World Cup, with João Felix showing that he might be young but there’s not much that Bruno Fernandes or even Pepe can teach him regarding simulation and moaning. I think he may have been mentored by the great Ayoze himself. This brings me to one positive development that I’ve noticed concerning the referees. They seem to have come to the welcome conclusion that cheats shouldn’t prosper, leading to the sight of many a mangled body suddenly being resurrected as play sweeps away from them. Full blooded tackles are back on the menu.

Unfortunately, the VAR officials don’t seem to have been on the same refresher course as the refs. Difficult as it must have been, they have managed to make the whole process more muddled, mysterious and frustrating than we experienced on a weekly basis in the Premier League. Look at the controversy surrounding the Japanese winner against Spain that effectively put Germany out. I did hear a rumour that the VAR officials out there turned Lee Mason’s application down because they thought he was too good!

Our prospects

England look to have a good chance of reaching the quarter final, which will most likely be against France. Sénégal won’t be a pushover but I think we ought to have enough to beat them in a tight game.

France will be very difficult but if we can keep a lid on the two wide men and stop Griezmann from orchestrating affairs we could do it. I’m not convinced about their defence and Lloris is always good for a gaffe or two.

Is it coming home? In my case, I think I’ll hedge my bets depending on where I decide “chez moi” really is!