Snakes and Ladders – Newcastle United | OneFootball

I was having a pint the other day with my mate Keith Wilson and something popped up on his phone about the actor James Bolam’s 88th birthday.

We got talking briefly about the former ‘Likely Lad’ and about his apparent lifelong loathing and disdain for Tyneside.

Bolam is a mackem born and bred but got his big break playing a Geordie in Dick Clement and Ian Le Frenais’ comedy series ‘The Likely Lads’ in the 1960s.

In the early 1970s it then spawned a return with ‘Whatever happened to the Likely Lads.’

Keith and myself quickly came to the conclusion that Bolam was not only a JSMB (Jealous Sad Mackem B……) but also a complete snake.

This got me thinking about three former Newcastle United footballers in my lifetime, who also became ‘snakes’ once they left our club.

Andy Cole was a player that was absolutely adored by Newcastle United supporters.

After being signed from Bristol City in 1993 with Newcastle United heading back to the top division, Cole soon showed what a phenomenal goalscorer he was.

In our first season in the Premier League, Andy Cole plundered 41 goals in all competitions, breaking Hughie Gallagher’s club record set in the 1926/27 season when we won our last top flight title.

During his all too brief spell at Newcastle, Cole didn’t always see eye to eye with Kevin Keegan.

There was a show of petulance ahead of a League Cup tie against Wimbledon in October 1993.

When Cole was sold to Manchester United by Keegan in January 1995, there was general dismay on Tyneside.

King Kev actually faced a handful of supporters to try and explain the decision on the steps of St James’ Park.

Andy Cole didn’t get off to the best of starts at Old Trafford.

In fact he was pretty woeful in front of goal in his first season and a half.

The joke doing the rounds at the time was…

Q. Why does Eric Cantona keep turning his collar up?

A. Because it’s always dirty from having to carry Cole.

This didn’t stop the Salfords from pipping us to the title in 1995/96 though.

No one celebrated this more than Cole. Incredibly, he later on the Wembley pitch had the audacity to sing a derogatory little ditty mocking Kevin Keegan.

Aye, that’s gratitude for you.

Issue 53 – August 1993

Apparently Cole, has always been a cockney red, and I don’t believe he was ever really happy on Tyneside.

I’m convinced that once Fergie came calling he couldn’t wait to get away quick enough.

To this day, Andy Cole is a glory hunting and self-entitled Man Utd fan through and through, and wanted them to beat us in this year’s League / Carabao Cup final.

My ultimate verdict….’Andrew’ Cole is as surly and ungrateful as you can get.

We took him to our hearts and he threw it back in our faces.

Dietmar Hamann arrived from Bayern Munich in the summer of 1998.

Signed by Kenny Dalglish, Hamann soon stood out as a talented and strong midfielder.

Dalglish was sacked after another poor start to the season and the ego had finally landed when we appointed Ruud Gullit to replace him.

Hamann scored four goals in 23 League appearances in the 1998/99 season and Newcastle United lost the FA Cup final for the second successive season.

However, Hamann had never really seemed happy at Newcastle United, and couldn’t wait to bail out when Liverpool came calling.

It wouldn’t surprise me if it was Dalglish who had tipped his beloved reds off about Hamann.

Hamann spent seven years at Anfield and and often pops up as a football pundit on TV and radio shows.

I have rarely heard him say a good word about Newcastle United but he sucks up to the red scousers at every given opportunity.

He has even been recently imploring his fellow countryman Klopp to go out and nab Joelinton from us.

My Verdict on Dietmar Hamann….Definitely a sidewinder.

Jose Enrique was a £6.3M Sam Allardyce signing in 2007.

Our fans loved him and he didn’t jump ship like others when we were relegated in 2009, which was admirable.

He was a key component in Chris Hughton’s Championship winning machine in 2009/10.

Issue 247 – 24 April 2010

Liverpool came calling again in 2011 (they always do, going back to the days of Terry Mac and Alan Kennedy). They had also recently signed Enrique’s Newcastle United teammate Andy Carroll at the end of the January transfer window.

No prizes for guessing who was the Liverpool boss back in 2011.

Step forward a certain Mr Kenny Dalglish.

Enrique went on to play 76 League games for Liverpool in five years at the club.

He had previously played 119 League games in four years at Newcastle United.

Enrique has somehow now been reinvented as a ‘Mr Liverpool’ in media circles.

Just like Dietmar Hamann he regularly extols the virtues of Liverpool and the scousers, always stating that he loves them more than Newcastle United.

My Verdict… Enrique was given his big chance and made his name in English football as a Newcastle United player.

Another snake.

I’m sure that you all may have your own former black and white ‘snakes’.

For instance, I know Cockney Trev wasn’t happy when Supermac left us to join Arsenal back in 1976.