I’m not sure what I’m doing here like | OneFootball

As previously stated, I struggle to get into pre-season friendlies. I know they’re a necessity but the lack of any relevant outcome makes them a bit dull.

These pre-season SJP events of recent years have been good excuses for a drink in the sun, with the added shine of the coveted Sela Cup. This one though, was just baffling.

I had no mates interested in going, so the usual thinly veiled excuse for a sesh was out the window. Even if I did really care about the Sela Cup it wasn’t being contested until tomorrow and let’s not get into the prospect of seeing new signings play…

Instead, it was me and my son bimbling into town for a kick about I assumed would largely feature less-likely starters, against an opponent whose identity I kept repeatedly forgetting.

I couldn’t remember my rationale for buying the tickets and did start to wonder if this was all part of a summer-long fever dream where all the promise accrued at Newcastle United falls apart horribly. Yes, it’s fair to say I struggled a bit to get myself up for this match with (checks notes) Espanyol.

I was still sat in Fat Hippo taking full advantage of Newcastle restaurant week when a slightly surprising team selection came through. A debut for Ramsdale, but Schar, Burn, Hall, Bruno and Murphy all started, which suggested splitting the team a bit across the two games. I’m not sure this is ideal preparation for Villa but it keeps the opposition guessing I suppose.

At this point I have to confess to making what might have been a bad decision. I reckon about 80% of football matches I’ve seen in my life have been from the Gallowgate west corner, where I have been sat since 1995. These friendly matches give me the novelty of spreading about the ground a bit, and for this one I decided to go right at the front, as I thought my lad might enjoy the idea of being so close to the players. So row FF it was then. Anyone who has any experience of sitting in one of these rows that sounds like an enormous bra size will know that it doesn’t give you the best angle for assessing the match, particularly events up the other end. Until the club does the right thing and allocates The Mag a press box seat betwixt Hope and Edwards, I will be subject to such miscalculations unfortunately.

So, here’s what I reckon happened.

United had most of the ball for most of the game. Jacob Murphy was our best player by far but Park Seung-Soo again showed a few neat touches, despite looking a bit less at home than he did in Korea. Espanyol were a set of long ball Larrys which was bringing little joy until Targett’s attempted Hollywood ball out of defence was intercepted and some neat interplay ended with Exposito thundering in an absolute rocket from outside the box. Ramsdale no chance and polite applause all round that has no place at serious games.

Having found his way back from Seoul (with the rest of the team), Targett seemed determined to make his mark on this game, almost on a mission to ensure he isn’t remembered round here predominantly as an amusing Twitter story. Lewis Miley dribbled past a few defenders and just managed to dig a cross out before running out of play, which was floated neatly for Targett to head in.

I believe this was his first goal for Newcastle in any game, although I’m unsure if the thumb sucking celebration was because of a baby coming along, or a nod to the recent behaviour of certain team mates.

Targett wasn’t done there though, proceeding to end the half by delivering a glancing boot to the shin of an opponent that definitely shouldn’t be given as a penalty in a pre-season friendly, if ever at all. Espanyol piffled on considerably in the build up to the kick, but Ramsdale fettled them by pulling off a great save diving low to his right. A confidence booster for him on his home debut, so well done again Matt.

The good thing about this double header is there isn’t the widespread disruption throughout the second half that turns the game into an unwatchable disjointed mess. Hall was withdrawn as caution for his rehabilitation, with Alfie Harrison given a decent run out. Sean Neave for Park on the hour was the only other change as this game delivered on that pre-season staple of “minutes in the legs.”

Newcastle should have had it won after a dreadful attempt to play out from the back allowed Murphy to steal the ball and slot in for 2-1, but a bit of sleepy defending in the last minute, saw Espanyol equalise through Kike Garcia’s explosive header. Bit of a damp squib but no one cared too much.

Let’s be honest, this game was a mere attempt at a distraction at a time when there are more elephants in the room than in Jean De Brunhoff’s famous children’s book “Babar invites all of his friends into one big room.”

The fact that Eddie Howe’s post-match comments confirming that the Isak situation is pretty much irretrievable, has had way more coverage than anything occurring on the pitch, tells you all you need to know.

Anyway, quick kip and a couple of coffees and it’s back tomorrow for the serious business of the Sela cup. Oooh the anticipation.

Newcastle 2 Espanyol 2

Goals:

Newcastle:

Targett 21, Jacob Murphy 79

Espanyol:

Exposito 17, Garcia 89

Attendance:

30,782

Newcastle team v Espanyol:

Ramsdale, Krafth, Hall (Alfie Harrison 46), Schar, Burn, Targett, Bruno, Miley, Jacob Murphy, Osula, Seung-soo (Neave 63)

Unused subs: Ruddy, Gillespie, Kuol, Alex Murphy, Heffernan, Bailey, Charlton, Sanusi, Shahar

Newcastle United pre-season friendly schedule 2025/26

Saturday 12 July – Newcastle 4 Carlisle 0 (Behind closed doors)

Saturday 19 July – Celtic 4 Newcastle 0

Sunday 27 July – Arsenal 3 Newcastle 2

Wednesday 30 July – Team K-League All Stars 1 Newcastle 0

Sunday 3 August- Spurs 1 Newcastle 1

Friday 8 August – Newcastle 2 Espanyol 2