The 💩 Christmas gift guide: Premier League edition 🎅🏻 | OneFootball

There are just a few days left for you to panic buy a rubbish present from a Premier League club for someone special in your life.

Here is our handy guide.

Arsenal

An Arsenal-themed dog jumper. A jumper. For your dog. Emblazoned with the nickname of your football team. The prosecution rests, m’lud.

Aston Villa

Pretend you’re Randy Lerner and run Aston Villa into the ground or live out your fantasy and send Tom Heaton for a night in the slammer with this Aston Villa-based Monopoly set.

Bournemouth

A Bournemouth diving gnome. Posted very much without comment.

Brighton

€50 for a Brighton watch that will make your lucky partner look like a pound-shop Peter Stringfellow. It’s certainly *a* vibe.

Burnley

We know this is technically a shit Christmas gift guide but we’re going to make an exception here because this is genuinely superb.

Chelsea

A personalised, framed image of Chelsea manager Frank Lampard. For the embarrassing sycophant in your life.

Crystal Palace

Aaahhhh, the unmistakable smell of 11 sweaty men running around a patch of grass in south London.

Everton

A one pint tankard there. Drink enough of them and you might actually start to enjoy watching Everton.

Leicester

Yes, you did read that right. Leicester have released a DVD just in time for Christmas of their 9-0 win at Southampton.

Liverpool

* anatomy of a joke *

Set-up: “To commemorate its 125th anniversary, Liverpool FC commissioned renowned international sports artist Jamie Cooper to create a truly unique artwork. Jamie’s magical 3 metre oil on canvas brings together 17 figures who helped shape the Club during its 125 year history, plus the current manager, captain and 1 very special fan, into the Liverpool FC Dream Scene.”

Punchline: Yours for just £1,850.oo

Manchester City

And not to be outdone by their title rivals, Manchester City have produced their own dream scene canvas. This one’s only £1,000 though, so there is that.

Manchester United

Pretty much every Premier League club has a premium gifts section on their website but Manchester United are taking things to a new level with this Tag Heuer watch.

Yours for just €5,290.

Newcastle

No night out in the Toon would be complete without a Newcastle-themed dog tag and chain.

Norwich

One of the great tomes of 21st century literature is just €25 on the Norwich website.

But can you really put a price on great culture?

Sheffield United

Not one but three gifts for the Tony Currie obsessive in your life.

Yeah, we didn’t think so.

Southampton

Imagine how unbelievably dull your life would have to be to want to re-read match reports of Southampton games from 15 years ago.

Tottenham

Dog coats: they’re clearly a north London thing.

Watford

A leather Watford bracelet. Surely the first thing on Nigel Pearson’s Christmas list this year?

West Ham

East London’s very own club certainly know their audience.

Wolves

Wolves selling toy … meerkats? What are we missing here?