Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Renal Destruction Leapfrog

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The Celtic Star

·6 November 2024

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Renal Destruction Leapfrog

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC V RENAL DESTRUCTION LEAPFROG…

“Amazement and astonishment express the momentary overwhelming of the mind by something beyond expectation. Amazement is an emotional response, astonishment an intellectual one. Like when Celtic pumped Leipzig – I was amazed, then astonished.” – Dean Koontz.

Celtic players pose for a team photo on the pitch prior to the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – Thirty-8.5/10 – Lookout, it’s more Germans! Kasper faced up to this one with the haunted look of a Vietnam veteran. PTSD? Nope, that’ll come later; was it to be full-on trauma once again? On his big-boy birthday? No chance. Footwork was cool, composed and pinpoint. After partially surviving the mid first-half barrage, it was the second 45 where his mettle – and CL cred – was tested. And didn’t HE deliver the presents? – fine flying save to his right, but eclipsed by THE save of the game, and probably the season, as instinct took over and he flopped low left to deny a goal-bound volley. Many Happy Returns #1.

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GREGGS THE BAKER – 7.5/10 – Many Happy Returns #2. Another birthday bhoy looking for a memorable evening. Questionably included after the Barca kid had been excellent, but Greggs has very good CL experience; top performances under Ange, so reliability not in question. Took him a little while to settle but when he did we got a fresh-from-the-oven steak bake of an outing: standard filling of hot quality but added delicious pastry moment when he supplied the gravy for the 2nd goal with a calculated burst towards byline and cutback.

WAYNE GRETZKY – 8/10 – I’d posed the question – to the voices in my heid – that he’d been the most improved Celtic player this season; somehow raising his game a level up the Maldini Scale of attacking fullbacks to deservedly occupy the ‘CL Competitor’ slot. Well, tonight was an acid test, and he had us all on LSD after The Moose got loose on the Leipzig left flank and they had no answer while he marauded around, creating merry havoc, and a goal. And nearly getting one himself. Again!

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s first goal during the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

GET CARTER – 7/10 – Well, he had me worried. Big unit to mark, rocked around all first half, give and take, losing it a bit, then getting his focus back; mistimed a head-flick for their goal, ended up assisting rather than clearing. But he did come out of that miasma ahead of the game, winning more than losing, sorting his position, no aberrations, using his weight properly in a hard physical bout with their battle giant, Tesco, and retired an exhausted winner.

Auston Trusty of Celtic heads the ball away from Benjamin Sesko of RB Leipzig. Celtic v RB Leipzig, UEFA Champions League, Group Stage, Football, Celtic Park, 5 November 2024 Phot Stuart Wallace Shutterstock (Imago – The Celtic Star)

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 7.5/10 – What are you doing there? Where’s the Ginger Baresi? That was the talk of the steamie; after his Dortmund experience, would Crusty be troubled by a thousand-yard stare? Nearly exited early after an alarming ankle-roll. And often induced the heebie-jeebies as he played on the edge – barely releasing the ball in time as he was closed down. Gifted them the break that led to corners and their goal. But, he too, grew into the game, found his place and timing and gave and took like a champ. Got precise with his passing and offered fine cover. Particularly impressed with how he handled it mentally, given CCV wasn’t at his peak to bail him out; no worries, responsibility on his shoulders was no weight too heavy.

Celtic captain Callum McGregor gives a thumbs up to the fans at full-time after a 3-1 victory over RB Leipzig. Celtic v RB Leipzig, UEFA Champions League, Group Stage,Celtic Park, 05 November 2024 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

CALMAC – 9/10 – A Starry Night performance by our Van Gogh of a skipper. In these elevated heights of this competition, pure football is your test. Well, that’s his natural environment. Almost breath-taking at times to witness a Celt possessing of the geo-positional awareness to cope in this higher dimension of lightning-fast pressing and intricate football.

I don’t think we’ve had such a player this century as Calmac on his game, carrying some vampiric blood-type of liquid nitrogen in his veins; As you watch on, fretting like a squirrel with ADHD, he’s taking a couple of Leipzig players on a dance deep in his own half while they hound him, before slipping off a sucker pass and exploding Celtic up the park. It was a beautiful thing, observing him dictate the tempo second-half, protect the lead, dominate the Bundesliga fashionistas and lead Celtic to a glorious win. Maestro 2!

Champions League Reo Hatate celebrates after scoring in the second half of a Champions League football match against Leipzig on Nov. 5, 2024, Photo Imago (The Celtic Star).

HAKUNA HATATE – 8.5/10 – THIS! The CL game we knew he was capable of! Or I did. Screw you, moaners lol – always said if Reo synchs-in we’ve got a top-level magician. Well, around the half hour tonight I was thinkng he fancied it big-time. Then came the scintillating bit of guile that helped create the goal on 45 min – beguiling footwork including a beautiful step-on/off than floundered their big fullback, followed by the Ronaldinho look-away slip to Greggs to cross. Exhilarating burst from deep second-half had us all on our feet, numerous shots deserved a goal that eventually came as he demonstrated the art of sharp predatorial box play and pounced on the keeper’s scoop to raise the roof again. Reo, your day has come, son. Played.

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s second goal during the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE TERMINATOR – 7.5/10 – Class in those feet. Another Bundesliga prodigy out to make a point. Looked like he was fading after conceding, but came back just as strong as the collective to show what he can do. Just 21, but I suspect that old football head on young shoulders has always been there – the touch, awareness and positional play maintained our shape and stifled their ambitions. His passing and deliveries will be legendary in time, and his wit matches his potential – the deft mid-air flick around the corner to let Kuhn loose for the first goal should not go unremarked; says everything about his quality right there. Go watch.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7/10 – Ah, Daizen Daizening. Like Saturday, but more Daizening. Would have scored one of the goals of the tourney when played right through by a sensational Kuhn pass after Arne and Calmac Houdini-ed it out of our half. But, he Daizened it. And Daizened the ‘dummy’ for Nick to nick the second, lol. But the fact he remained on the park for the 95 says all you need to know about how invaluable Daizen is on CL nights; the one-man press of Leipzig torment.

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s second goal during the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

KILLER MUSHROOM – 8/10 – The wee mhan at it like a demon. Frenzy of movement in about their CBs every time we surged forward. Terrific solo run denied a goal by only a brilliant block. All game he was keen and eager and it seemed only a matter of time. Then Reo stepped-in and snaffled a typical Kyogo strike, lol. But he departed a deserving hero after more great input.

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s first goal during the UEFA Champions League 2024/25 League Phase MD4 match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

TAKINTE – 9.5/10 MOTM – They call him the German Jinky – well, I do, so spread it around… – and my Ghod, if he didn’t do the legend proud. Sensational first goal, sweet second and would have notched a 10/10 display if he hadn’t skied the chance of the most glorious of hat-tricks since the King Of King gilded the Hoops. Every other time he got the ball, hopes skyrocketed at the rhythm of those dancing feet to make Sammy Davis Junior turn-in his tap shoes. Well he probably would if he wasn’t deid, but you get the analogy…The deep irony of the kid Leipzig sold cheap, coming back to roast the club detested for its drinks-company-fincanced transfer models won’t be lost on Germany. What will interest them most is the bhoy who inflicted the damage – a steal for us at (stop laughing at the back…) £3 million. We officially now have custody of the most dangerous German in Europe since Otto Skorenzy. Now that’s he’s fit and flying we can see what Celtic saw – a sensational winger with a wand of a left peg that Hermione would ditch Potter for. That phenomenal pass to Daizen for his major chance had you rubbing your own wand…

SUBS –

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – There he is! All smiles and down to business. Some fine defending, pressing and pick-pocketing from Liam for his term on the park.

DUNCAN IDAHO – N/A – ‘Just run about big fella, mess ’em up!” So he did for ten minutes.

YING – 7/10 – Eyes wide open! Jings! Yings! Yangs! Flaming hell, he was at them like a crack-addled Chihuahua with a brain chip, on a secret combat mission. The flair and the zip and the potent intent; tremendous intricate play and buzz about his involvement. Looked like he really wanted to make his mark at this level and was unfortunate not to get a goal himself. That’s how you go about it, kids. A (very) pleasant surprise.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6.5/10 – Ah, great, no worries about losing momentum as Paulo took the field for Arne – first involvement was a cracking outside boot pass up the line; rest of time he used that rugged antagonism of his to hustle around and foil their illusions of a comeback.

UNCANNY – 6.5/10 – Ooft, no worries about the kid either. Straight in there and tussling for everything. Bit excited at first and gave away a couple of easy passes but he settled and showed the cool ability we’ve seen recently; gallus footballing nature had him bursting forward whenever he could despite me strategically advising him loudly that he ‘Sit in and hold on, for heaven’s sake!” (That’s the polite version).

Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers talks with Callum McGregor of Celtic during the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 9/10 – Brave or daft? Dropping the tried and tested Ginger Baresi after the Bergamo seige was a contentious call. It’s Leipzig, not The Sheep. Was BR getting carried away again? Not like him to test the boundaries of reality…No, his ‘gamble’ worked – barely we thought early on as Trusty collapsed – and the star-spangled centre-backs (© Larry…) gelled enough, eventually, to shore up the backline after a torrid period. This was buck’s finest CL result, no question. The night his eighteen months of dismantling and reassembling paid off, the night his new team threw shade on the historical scuddings, lit up his CV with a diamond-studded Gucci belt of a performance. Bag of cans all round.

MIBBERY – 4/10 – Not usually a MIB score in the CL games but after some niggling sympathetic awards to the ‘big German League’ side, he settled to a fair game. Main point of inclusion is the remarkable delegation of known faces to referee our home CL games – last month we got a decent shake out of Val Kilmer and tonight it was enlightening to see Robert Lewandowski handle reffing a CL game so well; question is if it takes a toll on his fitness levels for tomorrow night in Belgrade? Hmm.

Auston Trusty celebrates at full time during the UEFA Champions League match between Celtic FC and RB Leipzig at Celtic Park on November 05, 2024 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

OVERALL – 9.5/10 – Four points and three places above Dortmund in the Bundesliga, first team to take Leverkusen in a year – away at that – yet we were somehow widely regarding this as a ‘winnable’ game. Alright…Villa in Beermingham will be more winnable than this one, so I thought. Then the Bhoys REALLY turned up and turned in the greatest CL performance and result since Milan got fingered-late-at-the-school-disco in ’07 and Dida was decapitated.

Difficult to find enough praise for what we witnessed. At 0-1 with two on the near horizon like a cruise missile heading for Tehran, the mood was teetering towards one of resignation; another Bundesliga crack outfit, another hiding. Then the Rocky music piped up in the back of their heids and the Bhoys got it on like celebrities at a Diddy party.

Player of the match Nicolas Kuhn is pushed by team mates to celebrate in front of the Green Brigade at full-time after scoring twice in Celtic s 3-1 victory over RB Leipzig. Celtic v RB Leipzig, UEFA Champions League, Group Stage, Celtic Park, – 05 November 2024. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

Simply scintillating, some of our play. Superlatives will be completely exhausted all over boards and social media, and hack journos now fawing over us; so I’ll just definitively define it with – ‘Flaming wow’. Or ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ for the kids. We’ve waited near two decades for a CL display like that; wondered, after Dortmund, if we’d ever see the likes again. Well, there it was – a comeback to boot, versus no shy fair maidens like Bratislava, either; these were total Bundesliga 2nd placed brothel bitches; the leather-clad dominatrixes here to whip you Scotties in proper German KitKat Klub style. Well, guess who got pegged, leiblinge…

So where do we go from here? Peak Celtic at peak competitive level. We got the fireworks out and put rockets up quite a few backsides. Sparklers waving in the air! Cascading joy lit up the night! What could dull such an afterglow? Killie, that’s where… Just to pop your high…

Nah – UP, that’s where, too. Never put oursevles in a better position to qualify from this modern CL setup. After seeing that tonight, we’ll believe it now as much as those Bhoys on the park do. Fan-flaming-tastic. (polite etc)

Go Away Now

Sandman

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