Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Hibernatingnuns

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The Celtic Star

·11 May 2025

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Hibernatingnuns

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v HIBERNATINGNUNS…

“Naebody frew nuffink, right? Anywan that said anyfink differunt is a grass, man, right?” – TheRangers International statement on the monkey-missile-throwing.

Celtic goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel applauds the fans at full-time. Celtic v Hibernian, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 – Rebuilt with the finest Lego, the Danish No.1 takes back his Celtic No.1 spot and… Boots the ball into the stand with his first involvement. After that, however, it was the Kasper-as-usual showcase – classic Schmeichel block, and fine footwork combined with his authoritative and positive presence.

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Greg Taylor of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6/10 – Anonymously intense for the duration; but his finest quality is never being interested in adopting the main character role (or sausage rolls…); it’s all about the collective for him, and Greggs was quietly effective in a trusty-sidekick sort of fashion.

Anthony Ralston of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

TONY THE TIGER – 7/10 – Quite splendid all-round labouring from The Brickie; defensive air support, cultured long-ball specialist, overlapping wingback with killer deliveries. All in a day’s shift, then he clocked out for a few pints.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 – As pointed out in previous ratings – Liam is designed for such encounters. Touch, positional awareness and distribution; flawless composure was his by-word today. The Ginger BeckenBaresibauer.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 6/10 – Sort of cruised through proceedings, but more of a passenger than pilot. Bit unlucky at their goal, sorted his feet afterwards and remained on-task without breaking sweat.

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Callum McGregor of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

CALMAC – 7/10 – As the first-half wore on and Hibs, leading, wore down, Calmac exhibited the pointing skills he’d learned from hours on the Lennoxtown training pitch with Peter Grant and got our engine room functioning with optimal precision just in time to enter the break ahead. His grip on the middle remained tighter than Jamesy’s favourite bordello strumpet and once the game was safe he was off early to put the twins down.

Reo Hatate of Celtic scores to give Celtic a 3-1 lead. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

HAKUNA HATATE – 8/10 MOTM – Luxurious football from the midfield enigma. Threatening and smooth every time his feet caressed the ball, and his hips swivelled like a prospective Ibrox investor. He was a katana blade wrapped in silk, right on his mojo, creative and even deadly himself as he showed others how to properly take a chance. Prime Reo.

Arne Engels of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

THE TERMINATOR – 6.5/10 – He’s not getting many breaks, actually. Today was a great example of his quality work-rate igniting moments – smart movement and bright passing but let down by a final touch. Yet when he’s in tandem with Reo like he was for spells, the result is a nightmare duo to counter for the opposition – that instinctive pick-out/layoff for Reo’s goal, a delicious example.

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Chris Cadden of Hibernian vies with Daizen Maeda of Celtic during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic FC and Hibernian FC at Celtic Park on May 10, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6.5/10 – They had him walk onto the park with a dug; perfectly apt as there’s no better analogy for Daizen’s approach to football than a dug chasing a ball. And even in games like this when the breaks aren’t going his way, his tenacity lifts him above mere mortals. The highlght of his day was either a fizzing cross spilled for the eventual third goal or his mad-kung-fu-madman up-and-under ‘passback’ from just outside his own box that I’m sure Kasper caught with a grin. I’ll contend this, however – I’m pretty sure Daizen isn’t fond of playing with…

Adam Idah of Celtic celebrates scoring to give Celtic a 2-1 lead. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6.5/10 – Talking of other enigmas, big Adam sure does split the support. Quite literally today as the Lisbon Lions Stand threw the weans aside and dived for cover when he ballooned one into the top tier from six yards out. Glorious chances squandered, linesman with RSI from flagging him offside, and in amongst that catalogue of calamity the gem of a terrific finish. Confused? Go figure… If you know a medium, tell them to contact the ghost of Einstein with some unfinished business to theorise upon.

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic celebrates with Adam Idah of Celtic after scoring to tie the game 1-1. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

TAKINTE – 7/10 – Appeared to be drifting around the edges of proceedings until he donned the superhero mask and The Kuhn entered the fray with a menacing vengeance, popping in a goal, setting Idah up with a masterful dink, and finding time to pick up a yellow in unarmed combat with a hairy biker henchman. Not all heroes wear capes.

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SUBS –

Paulo Bernardo of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Tick-tock… No, not the Zombies doomsday clock, just Paulo’s valuable game-time rehab racking up.

James Forrest of Celtic arrives at Celtic Park. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025. Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

JAMESY – N/A – START THE PRESTWICK PELE! IT’S ALL ABOUT THE GOAL! DO YOU COPY, BRODGE?

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Look, more Luke! But, look, still not quite enough Luke. Nae luck, Luke.

KENNY JOHNNY – N/A – When will we see this whippersnapper snapping around opposition backlines for more than a few minutes? Let’s see what he’s got from the start, eh?

FORK HANDLE – 10/10 – Just seventeen, the same age you’re more worried about plooks and looks than Celtic debuts, and there he was stepping into the man’s game like a seasoned pro with some thoughtful movement and slick distribution. Played, that kid. Advice: For promising career development, listen to your Celtic coaches. For the main thing a 17-year-old lhad requires, eh, see Jamesy…

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Celtic Manager Brendan Rodgers applauds the fans at full-time. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 7/10 – Well, we’re not pretending it’s a meritocracy anymore, so there’s that… Old heads reinstated, a few heads scratched but in the main the system was functioning and the crowd were pleased. It’s the relentless search for records that’s occupying him now so expect no major experimental changes until the goals are flying in and the third trophy’s clutched in his hands. Which means.. Pre-season frendlies only?

Referee Colin Steven awards a goal to Celtic following a VAR review of Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic s goal to tie the score 1-1. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

MIBBERY – 4/10 – An interesting metaphysical slapstick interlude as they attempted to find some reason to disallow the equaliser when everyone present and watching planet wide knew the hope of that was the definition of absolute zero. Eventually the ref, Uneven Steven, or something, intervened and forbade VAR from using his rapidly receding hairline as evidence of Celtic skullduggery and dubbing in a bugle sounding a retreat to infer that mockery of an affliction distracted officials.

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Celtic fans are seen prior to the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic FC and Hibernian FC at Celtic Park on May 10, 2025 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

OVERALL – 7.5/10 – A performance that encompassed the season’s highs, lows and frustrations, topped off with a satisfying win. We never really looked anything but accomplished and in the zone, even when behind. The ball was getting moved about well, and the players were shifting their rear-ends around in proper synchronised swimmer style.

Celtic fans banner asking for a fairer deal on ticket prices. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo: Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

There were groans and moans but mainly at the chances squandered, not the overall product on display. All it took was a kick into gear, a ramping up of the tempo and in the space of five short minutes prior to the break Hibs were reeling, punch-drunk (or junk-drunk…) and Celtic were… Inevitable.

Hibernian fans banner asking for a fairer deal on ticket prices. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo: Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

Once we clicked the result was a foregone conclusion which we reached in a bit of sunny style to leave everyone going home in a state of mellow bliss. It looked easy but it’s not – it’s the culmination of a season’s grind on the training pitches and tactics boards. More often than not we get it right and now it’s led us flying into the time of the season that Jamesy mysteriously refers to as ‘the vinegar strokes’ – trophy day incoming and the rebel treble yell building.

A young Celtic fan wears a an Irish flag balaclava. Celtic v Hibernian, Scottish Premiership, 10 May 2025 Photo Stuart Wallace/Shutterstock

May the fun be with us.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Celtic fans are seen with a banner during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic FC and Hibernian FC at Celtic Park on May 10, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

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