All that jazz: a life in the day of a Newcastle United fan | OneFootball

Here’s a question: which song would you choose to mark the 65th birthday of a lifelong Newcastle United fan?

And here are a few rules: it has to be a big band swing number, laced with a touch of irony, and familiar to the parade of pensioners who attend such concerts down here in sunny Worthing, West Sussex.

The question was posed by my missus, who secretly emailed Mike Paul-Smith, director and pianist of Down For The Count. They are a hugely talented bunch of touring musicians who appear in various ensembles such as the Down For The Count All Stars (eight instrumentalists and two vocalists) and the DFTC Orchestra, a 30-plus big band with plenty of strings and plenty of brass but not much in their pocket.

They are rich in ability rather than spondulicks.

Mike read out the email, much to my embarrassment, at the All Stars gig at Worthing Assembly Hall on Sunday night. He confessed to being out of touch with Newcastle’s recent fortunes, while telling the audience in all sincerity he had been a big fan in the Entertainers era nearly 30 years ago. When, as he succinctly said, “they should have won the Premiership.”

He didn’t know which tunes were popular among our supporters but he hoped his choice would be fitting. It was ‘Alright, OK, You Win’, a wry little number first recorded in 1955 by Count Basie, among others.

Mike joked it should probably be renamed ‘Alright, OK, You Lose’, though I reckoned I got off lightly when he revealed the other song he had considered was the lesser-known and less lively Tulip Or Turnip, a Duke Ellington recording from 1946. Perhaps that one is being saved for a Graham Taylor tribute concert . . . or maybe Gormless Gareth.

Anyway, the lyrics of Alright, OK, You Win got me athinking when I listened to Basie’s recording again on the internet. It’s a love song, of course, as are nearly all the best songs… and the words are strangely fitting for long-suffering Magpies.

We don’t enlist in the Toon Army because United win, however, we enlist because our introduction to football at St James’ Park is a taste of love at first sight. Rather like the rules of the game at the Hotel California, “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.”

My love for Newcastle United has been sorely tested since the 1972-73 season. Especially during the zombie-like tenure of he who shall not be named, circa 2007-2021.

The only thing to cling to at that time as a Newcastle United fan was hope; hope for better days. Which have duly arrived. Just as Bruce Springsteen predicted in 1992 when he sang: “These are better days, baby. Yeah, there’s better days shining through.”

Despite the trophy cabinet still being as empty as Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard, the fire burns anew. Next season is just around the corner. There is no escape. Happy days. Happy daze.

I would not wish to be anything other than a Newcastle United fan, regardless of the pain, the frustration and the disappointment along the way. Brief moments of joy can outweigh season after season of heartache.

And that’s why “all right, okay, you win, I’m in love with you” (to turn genius lyrics into prosaic English) sum up my feelings.