Alkmaar, the Cheese Town Where Spurs Couldn’t Cut It | OneFootball

The Qooligan doesn’t normally follow the UEFA Europa League, but today the soccer gods delivered unto me a result so incredibly pungent that I had no choice but to put down some words.

Europa League: Where We At?

Today was the first leg of the Europa League’s Round of 16 stage. Eight of these teams were well-rested, having earned a bye from the qualification round by finishing in the top spots. The others had to fight and scrum in a two-game knockout stage. Tottenham, to my surprise, were the former. Alkmaar (who finished in 19th place) had to take on Turkey’s Galatasaray, whom they beat 6 – 3 on aggregate.

The 900ish Spurs fans who crossed the channel had some high expectations, and rightly so. A number of players were returning from injury (Dominic Solanke, Cristian Romero, Micky van de Ven). Manager Ange Postecoglou has a remarkable track record winning trophies in his second year. And with a squad valuation nearly 11x greater than the opposition, Spurs (despite their woeful EPL campaign so far) should be showing a group of jumped up cheesemongers who’s got the cheddar.

That Didn’t Happen

Tottenham’s baby-faced Lucas Bergvall did his best to amputate fellow Swede Mayckel Lahdo’s foot at the ankle in the 7th minute, forcing the hosts into an early substitution and removing an attacking threat. So it was perfect kismet that ten minutes later Bergvall whiffed a clearance off his shin and into his own net. Adding to the irony… the Alkmaar player who made the cross was Spurs academy graduate Tony Parrott. You can’t make this up.

Spurs goalkeeper Guglielmo Vicario gave Bergvall a reassuring head pat, then tried to get the sliver of supporters fired up. But they were having none of it. His remonstration was met with stony silence. To be fair, if it was not for Vicario, Spurs would’ve returned to London down three, maybe, four goals. He made some big-time stops.

Tottenham’s starting XI looked like they’d spent too much time wolfing down samples off the cheese market tour that makes Alkmaar a hot tourist destination. Indeed, the look on Ange’s face throughout much of the match was that of a lactose-intolerant diner after consuming a pot of fondue.

I won’t really delve too much into this match, except to say that Tottenham were wretched. Mathys Tel didn’t survive past the first 45. They mustered only a single shot on target off six efforts, despite having 60% possession. No substitute Ange put in (Wilson Odobert, Dominic Solanke, Pedro Porro, Pape Sarr) made a difference.

Oh, and Tottenham lost 1 – 0.

More Cheese Puns

I have to get this out of my system…