This is not Mike Ashley and Big Vurn territory so calm down – But a boost definitely needed | OneFootball

Right then, let’s get some honest home truths out here first.

I don’t like pre-season friendlies. I understand they have a vital function, and they can occasionally offer a modicum of interest when you get to see a new signing for the first time, but otherwise they’re generally the sort of non-affair that can be repackaged as an excuse to get drunk.

The further away you are from the start of the season the worse this is, so why in the hell did I find myself on an overcrowded platform at Central on Saturday morning, piling in to head to our very first proper pre-season game?

Sometimes, the event transcends football.

Glasgow is one of the best cities in Britain and if you disagree I would suggest you haven’t been there. The chance to nash there and visit Celtic Park, a bit of a bucket list ground for me, was just too appealing, even if the concept of the hastily created Adidas cup was not.

Despite the train being a smidge over capacity and the route being less than straightforward, I was all in for a great day out.

Glasgow is Newcastle-esque in that you can spill out of the train and find yourself immediately in the heart of the action.

Kudos to the magnificent and spacious Committee Room No.9, that had offered itself as something of a Mags’ HQ and provided a fine starting point to watch the Lions smash Australia in the rugby. As ever, there were familiar faces all round in the bar which is always great to see after the respite of a close season. Many of these jumped in a taxi to Parkhead, whereas me and the lads chose to bar hop our way to the ground.

The Celtic fans were friendly and welcoming wherever we went along this route. It’s interesting to ponder if this reception may be less forthcoming were we to return for more serious business when the Champions League draw is made (go on, please, give us a nice one) but for now all was grand.

The only exception to this was the comical double take I did when a Celtic fan informed me this was their fifth and penultimate pre-season game, with the SPL kicking off two weeks today. Given that our lads had just got together for what looked like an extended stag do in Austria this past week, there was a fear the home side might be slightly sharper.

This fear dissipated sharply though, when the teams came out and it was revealed that Alexander Isak was not in the squad. The paranoia kicked in that this meant he was on a plane to Saudi/Liverpool, with the less reactionary concern being that he was still not over last season’s troublesome groin. Joelinton and Hall were similarly excluded and Livramento is still recovering from that magnificent U21 showing, but it was a full house otherwise. It was tough to keep eyes on the friendly though, as opposed to the hysterical online reaction to Isak’s absence.

As expected, the side was a bit of a mishmash. First half saw Trippier and Targett at full back with Botman and Schar in the middle. Osula stepped into the striker role with Barnes and Murphy either side and Miley and Willock were drafted in to help Bruno in the middle.

I’ve left Bruno until last for a reason. He was standout brilliant first half and in spite of the negatives this game would ultimately deliver, that shouldn’t be forgotten. The skipper looked like he’d never been away as he constantly won possession in midfield and delivered some sublime balls through to set the wide forwards away. Barnes was guilty on a couple of occasions of being a bit ponderous when faced with an acre of space, and ultimately just thrashing shots point blank at the bloke directly in front of him, which never has worked and never will. Murphy delivered a couple of decent balls into the box but their failure to connect just led to more muttering about the absence of the man he is so so adept at finding. With Celtic insisting on playing out from the back and getting high pressed, United seemed in good shape for half an hour or so. Then things went a bit sketchy.

I can only assume that the referee, Nick Walsh (according to the programme) is a Michael Oliver type character who is banned from refereeing Celtic outside of pre-season non-affairs as he would be inclined to give them infinite free kicks and dodgy penalties. I believe we were on our third circuit of infinity for soft free kicks when Walsh decided he hadn’t quite done enough and gave a penalty when Engels kicked the ground in attempting to shoot. Joe Willock was close enough to be the person Walsh pointed to in an attempt to justify his decision. Pope went the wrong way but I’d rather he kept his penalty saves for the season, as the latest round of miserable news suggests he’s going to be in goal for the full year.

Pope had a couple of decent moments, saving sharply from Engels and er, Fabian Schar, who had inexplicably thundered a cross towards his own goal to bring a reaction reminiscent of the League Cup final from the Popemeister. Having exhibited such startling competence, Pope then proceeded to lose the plot a bit, meandering out of goal like an uncontrollable computer character, as a bounce sailed over his head and allowed Kenny to slot into the empty net, 2-0 felt harsh, but ‘twas where we were.

Wholesale half-time changes for United saw only Miley and Osula remain for the second half, whereas Celtic kept what appears to be a first choice starting XI intact. Special mention to Alex Murphy here, who was standout player in an underwhelming second period, showing a bit of flourish as he regularly cut in from left back. Anthony Elanga appeared for his debut and looked lively but the whole thing had gone off the boil by this point If we’re honest.

Celtic made it three when Lascelles lost possession high up the pitch and an efficient break was ruthlessly finished off by Yang. Scales’ bullet header from a cross for 4-0 was an old school classic and probably the one goal conceded today that no one was really at fault for.

Although there was the token Adidas cup to be passed to Celtic, this was very much pre-season fare. It’s worth remembering the disparity both in the respective prep time and the consistency of the sides on display. Celtic were understated about their win and I’m sure they know that if the Champions League does throw up a rematch it will be a very different situation.

Having said that, losing so heavily cannot be helpful. I’ve seen many people say that the shockwaves of today should kick the ownership into gear as regards reinforcements, but the defeat that should have prompted that was against Everton, not today’s opponents.

It feels a bit crappy off the back of the Isak uncertainty and the persistent failure to land well publicised targets to be posting such a poor result. I’ll reiterate that pre-season outcomes mean nowt but the inevitability of the same squad turning up against Arsenal next week and looking similarly bereft may well see the negative start to overwhelm. There is plenty of time to build this squad up in both number and confidence ahead of the serious business, but the current mood music isn’t terrific, Eddie Howe delivering a post-match interview that once again revealed thinly concealed frustrations.

I’ve already seen numerous mentions of Vurnon Anita, a reference to the fact that Alan Pardew’s successful 2012 side failed to obscurity due to the aforementioned Big Vurn being the only addition in a depressing summer. This was Ashley era and we are nowhere near that people, calm down, but it’s an unavoidable fact that as a fanbase and a club we need a bit of a boost from somewhere. Another period of deafening silence would be far from ideal.

Final score:

Celtic 4 Newcastle 0

Newcastle team v Celtic:

Pope (Dubravka 46), Trippier (Krafth 46), Botman (Burn 46), Schar (Lascelles 46), Barnes (Gordon 46), Targett (Alex Murphy 46), Osula (Neave), Jacob Murphy (Elanga 46), Willock (White 46), Bruno (Tonali 46), Miley (Hernes 75)

Unused Subs:

Ruddy, Ashby, Munda

Newcastle United pre-season friendly schedule 2025/26

(Saturday 12 July – Newcastle 4 Carlisle 0 (Behind closed doors))

Saturday 19 July – Celtic 4 Newcastle 0

Sunday 27 July – Arsenal v Newcastle

Wednesday 30 July – Team K-League all stars v Newcastle

Sunday 3 August- Spurs v Newcastle

Friday 8 August – Newcastle v Espanyol

Saturday 9 August – Newcastle v Atletico Madrid

(Celtic 4 Newcastle 0 – Instant Newcastle United fan/writer reaction – Read HERE)

(Celtic 4 Newcastle 0 – Keeping things in perspective – Read HERE)