David Moyes: The Scots Bouncemaster

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·3 febbraio 2025

David Moyes: The Scots Bouncemaster

Sung to the tune of “Ghostbusters” When your fans are mad, in the neighborhood. Who you gonna call? Bouncemaster! Facing relegation, and it don’t look good. Who you gonna call? Bouncemaster! Don’t be afraid of no Moyes. Don’t be afraid of no Moyes.

With apologies to Ray Parker Jr., I do think my witty and resplendent re-write contains a core of truth. Plus, I love the idea of the sax intro being performed on highland pipes, but I digress.

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David Moyes is a bouncemaster. He’s the guy you call when you need someone at the helm to guide the club into safety. If he was cast in Game of Thrones he’d one of the freaky-deaky white walkers. Or one of the Boltons. After all of the head-scratching, numbskulled decisions under previous owner Farhad Moshiri, it appears the Friedkin Group may have started their tenure with a good one.

And why wouldn’t you pick the taciturn Glaswegian with the dead-eyed gaze and a penchant for inappropriate verbal outbursts to lead your club out of relegation? He’s done it before. Lots of times.

March 14, 2002 – Moyes joins Everton. Wins first game. They stay up.
November 10, 2014 – Moyes joins Real Sociedad, who are in 15th. A draw & a win on the bounce. They later beat Barcelona and easily remain in La Liga.
November 7, 2017 – Moyes joins West Ham. No immediate bounce, but he keeps the Hammers above the relegation.
December 29, 2019 – Replaced Manuel Pellegrini at West Ham (in 17h place) for a second time. Won first game. Finished in 16th. Later went on to win the Europa Conference League in 2023.
January 11, 2025 – Replaced Sean Dyche at Everton, who were a single point above the drop. Now has three wins in four games, and has transformed Everton into something resembling a proper team.

There’s still a lot of fixtures to play, I know. But with the current bottom three tripping over themselves to prove how deserving of relegation they are, I do think that the Toffees will avoid the indignity of inaugurating their new stadium with a Championship tie next August.