Paul Gascoigne: The football icon's funniest moments | OneFootball

From planting snakes in teammates' bedrooms and self-gratification in the 10 Downing Street toilets to trips to the “dentist”, funny stories about the generational talent that was Paul Gascoigne are two a penny. The cheeky-chappy, happy-go-lucky icon was as famous for his antics as he was for his footballing ability. While he has regularly caused quite a stir in the media through many a controversy, the Geordie legend is quite the comic.

Having just celebrated his 56th birthday, let’s take a trip down memory lane, and revisit some of the ex-England star’s funniest moments…

“I’m now away to get my suit measured!”

The magic of the FA Cup, or lack thereof, is a hotly debated topic among pundits and fans alike. Dwindling attendances, weakened sides, with the winners, more often than not, members of the English football elite. However, in 1991’s FA Cup semi-final between north-London rivals, Arsenal and Tottenham, the enigmatic Geordie proved the magic was very much alive and well, and following their 1-0 victory, an animated Gazza hilariously told interviewer, Ray Stubbs “I’m now away to get my suit measured!”, a line that has consequently transcended the sport.

The Dentist chair

The England team and the tabloid press have regularly proved to be a marriage from hell, arguably, resembling more of an acrimonious divorce than an unhappy relationship. During the build-up to the highly-anticipated, Euro ‘96, the England squad got together for a spot of team bonding in Hong Kong, a trip that would subsequently descend into an exercise in over-indulgence and alcoholism.

Pictures of their good-spirited night-out inevitably landed in the newsroom, namely of Gazza being showered in liquor during a go in the infamous “dentist chair”. In response to the media tirade and public backlash, Gazza and his teammates uproariously choreographed a dentist chair-esque celebration after his exquisitely taken volley against that tartan army, with McManaman and co. squeezing a bottle of water in the midfielder’s face.

Gazza and the Ostrich

Reuters

“Gazza and the Ostrich” sounds more like a David Walliams preschool picture book than a mischievous 20-something very literally hiring an Ostrich to bring to Spurs’s training ground. In former team-mate, Paul Stewart’s biographical novel “Our Gazza: The Untold Tales”, he writes "Every day he would be up to something, causing havoc with his jokes... Gazza turned up with someone alongside him, carrying a brown sack."

"The sack was moving as if something was in it, and just as Venners was about to rollick Gazza for being late, the bag was opened and an ostrich ran out wearing a Spurs shirt."

"There was a number 7 and SEDGLEY written on the back. The lads just fell about laughing. This ostrich was running around our training ground in a white Spurs shirt, with the whole team watching."

Taken for a spin

Reuters

Shortly after signing for Tottenham, the audacious Gazza had reportedly turned up to the training ground with a motor home he’d bought for his dad.

In typically comical fashion, the eccentric midfielder asked one of the club’s caretakers to fix an issue with the roof.

“When he first signed for Spurs, Paul found a run-around guy called John Coberman,” ex-Spurs kit man Roy Reyland told FourFourTwo. “One day at the training ground, Gazza turned up with a massive motorhome that he’d bought for his dad. He told John there was a rattle from the roof, and John climbed up to check it out.

“Gazza started the engine, backed it out of the drive and put his foot down. He drove all the way down to the M1 with poor old John clinging on for his life. When he returned, he was as pale as a milk bottle!”

Swim like an Egyptian

Reuters

While England were away at Italia 90, the footballing maverick and his teammates were preparing for their group game against Egypt. According to Nottingham Forest legend, Stuart Pearce who famously missed his decisive penalty against the Germans, Gazza turned up to their resort’s swimming pool wrapped in toilet roll. The mummified former Lazio man then jumped into the hotel pool. In an interview with FourFourTwo, Pearce recalled the moment Gazza l “Launched himself into the pool.”

“The toilet roll floated to the surface, Gazza swam a length, got out naked and walked to his room. Bear in mind it wasn’t just players there, it was members of the public as well...”.