What would stop me supporting Newcastle United? | OneFootball

Disappointment is part of the package as a Newcastle United fan, when you sign up for the Toon Army. And there’s no recourse to the Trades Descriptions Act.

Newcastle United are not exactly serial winners and no recruit can honestly claim he or she joined under false pretences.

Just imagine though for a moment, that over the past 30-odd years we had won 13 Premier League titles, while simultaneously finding time to lift two Champions League titles, six FA Cups and five League Cups. Not forgetting the Europa League, lots of Community Shields, an Intercontinental Cup and the Fifa Club World Cup.

There’s no need to name the club that have amassed that haul. Win, lose or draw, they will never be denied the oxygen of publicity, even though their last Premier League title was in 2013 and their most recent Champions League triumph was in 2008.

Now let’s imagine the past decade for that club’s fans has been a massive let-down compared with what went before. On second thoughts, concentrate on the reality rather than the make-believe. No need to imagine.

What’s the story? A conveyor belt of glory glory has turned into a car crash of gory gory. Some domestic campaigns have ended with the former winners failing even to qualify for one of the Champions League places. To cap it all, those long-suffering supporters had to endure a six-year trophy drought!

Six years? Try 56 years minimum before you will get any sympathy round these parts.

Their latest humiliation, broadcast around the world on Sunday from Old Trafford, has prompted the usual outpourings of anger, frustration, disbelief (why?) and calls for action.

I watched the entire match on my laptop and listened to a lot of fans who phoned 6-0-6 afterwards. None of them had an obvious northwest accent, incidentally, though who am I to question their loyalty, considering I sound more like Rodney Bewes than James Bolam? One caller in particular made me laugh. “This is the worst day of my life,” he said not once but over and over again.

Then the almost inevitable Northern Irish contributor came out with some impressive statistics, if you find autopsy-style facts impressive. Under every worthwhile metric, he revealed, the current manager is inferior to . . . Go on, guess! Not the purple-nosed bully. That would hardly be worth saying. The Dutchman (whom this supporter accused of spouting verbal diarrhoea) is allegedly a worse manager than that Norwegian bloke who hacked down Rob Lee to prevent a one-on-one with their keeper a while back. You know him as the man Rio Ferdinand applauded long and hard for “driving the bus”. They must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.

The defeat by Spurs, who played the hosts off the park, was more emphatic before the red card. Tottenham should have been at least three up in the first 30 minutes. At one point I thought the eight-goal drubbing we inflicted on Sheffield United last season was in danger of being eclipsed. If Son Heung-Min had played rather than Timo Werner, I reckon it would have been.

The bald Dutchman saw it differently, of course, insisting that the sending off changed everything. He should thank his lucky stars it gave him a get-out-of-jail card. Spurs were more incisive, more energetic and more on top when faced by 11 opponents. They took their foot off the gas once they went two-up.

If I supported the Salfords and had cheered them to the rafters in their golden age, would I be saying enough is enough? Would their current plight be unacceptable? Would I be looking for a new team? Or would I continue to invest emotionally and financially.

That’s a tough call, because arguably only Liverpool in my lifetime, have been as dominant as the Salfords were. Seven points from six games is hardly relegation form, something Newcastle United fans can recognise all too readily. The usual rentaquotes weighed in, of course.

Full-back turned pundit and property developer Red Nev called the display “disgusting” and “disgraceful”. Louise Nurden’s former husband, who now endorses shoes, said the team were an embarrassment and had hit “rock bottom”. Alan Shearer’s old sidekick when Blackburn Rovers won the Premier League said it was “the type of performance which gets the manager the sack”. Time will tell.

In idle moments I like to play a form of football bingo, listing the factors that would make me call it quits after nearly 60 years of supporting the Mags. The diabolical regime of the owner who preceded the Saudi PIF was too much for many of our supporters. His destruction of almost everything the fans held dear was a near-mortal blow.

However, the club survived to prosper anew, registering our best finish in the Premier League since the halcyon days of Sir Bobby.

Will the Salfords come bouncing back? Or will they produce yet another false dawn, to go with all the others since a certain Glaswegian finally retired?

In football bingo terms, they have a full house: asset-stripping owners; a fake manager who has spent more than £500m in two years; a captain unsuited to the role; overpaid, complacent players who shirk the hard yards; and a transfer “policy” unfit for purpose.

Faced with that depressing scenario, any reasonable supporter’s loyalty would be sorely tested. Thank goodness most fans are tribal rather than reasonable.