Maybe a coffee and a bit of a lie down, I don’t feel too fresh… | OneFootball

Elland Road then, in many ways the place where it all began.

Let me take you back to my last visit to this stadium, some 43 months ago.

Newcastle sat second bottom of the table after 20 games, a hopeless looking cause with Eddie Howe only recording one win in his opening nine games. We were fresh of the back of an FA Cup exit at home to Cambridge United and things looked a bit bleak, as we headed to a Leeds side still in decent shape under Marcelo Bielsa.

The relevance of Jonjo Shelvey’s surprise winner that day is, in my opinion, seismic for what has happened since. It was the day the Howe era got kickstarted. The next week Bruno arrived and the next match saw victory over Everton lift us out of the bottom three, never to look back since. Leeds away lit the touchpaper.

This time we travelled there under different circumstances, as a Champions League qualified cup-winning behemoth against Leeds newly-promoted consolidation seekers.

The opportunity was there to kick started things in a different way, as the Nick Woltemade signing signals a positive ending to the striker misery that has dogged the summer. The process wasn’t done in time for the German to feature today, but his acquisition was a huge lift and United had to look internally for heroes to rival the efforts of Shelvey, Dummett and Manquillo 3.5 years ago.

I had other concerns leading up to this one, I spent the week in Disneyland Paris. The day before the game I was in Walt Disney Studios park until 5pm, smashing down an all you can eat buffet at Pym’s kitchen in the Avengers campus (recommend) before dashing back to an overnighter in Dover.

The day would pan out as a sort of Top Gear challenge, with me demanding military precision from my family, who were hustled off to an early start so I could drive them to Selby, where I would hop a train to Leeds (with ample drinking time) and Mrs S would take the wheel for the final leg back to Tyneside. You wouldn’t think they’d had a week of rollercoasters, ice creams and Mickey Mouse to hear the whinging little gits at half six, all of which absolutely justifies my decision for focus next year’s entire holiday budget on Champions League away trips and any pre-season friendlies in Las Vegas.

Anyhow, having torn my way up England like Steve McQueen, I arrived at Selby railway station where a complete dereliction of parental responsibilities was carried out, as I jumped out of a moving car and steamed towards the boozer, meeting my mate Martin in the Griffin for a few pints and a tense couple of hours sorting out a trip to Paris a few hours after leaving there. With PSG sorted for another day, a less exotic venture could get underway as we strolled to Elland Road, often a nice walk from the city centre but on this occasion beset by monsoon conditions.

We just about made it in for kick-off having navigated Leeds draconian process for filtering people through their stupid turnstiles and up their narrow stairway of death.

God speed to anyone needing the toilet at the top of those stairs. Some people obviously weren’t as lucky given the agitated faces that made their way into the stands throughout the opening ten minutes.

They missed nowt, but to be fair, similar could be said of anyone who missed the whole match. Newcastle lined up with a solid back three of Botman, Burn and Schar, a tactic deployed to devastating effect in the league cup semi-finals but seemingly a bit precautious for a newly promoted team. Eddie’s tactic seemed to be to contain first half, break where possible and ultimately go for it in the latter stages. Between this and it ploating down, the first half was a bit of a scrappy watch.

Osula led the line but one blocked effort was all he had to show for it. I hope the young Dane has a breakthrough season in the style of Lewis Hall but there were some useful balls into the box from Murphy and the excellent Livramento that went begging. Osula is quick and powerful but it seems he’d struggle to get on the end of a conga line. In the dying moments of the half, Murphy lashed in a speculative effort from out wide, that Perri did well to beat away. It was to be our best chance and the highlight of the game.

Jacob Ramsey looked lively on his first start but a lengthy break for treatment set a few alarm bells. He was able to continue but failed to emerge for the second half, with Miley stepping into the midfield. This took a bit of attacking impetus away but the change up occurred from the hour mark, with Hall on for Trippier while Elanga and Barnes came on as a sign of intent. Botman went off as part of this after going down for a bit, hopefully just part of his reintegration and not another issue, as it could be a huge factor in our season to have him back fully fit.

The anticipated siege did not arrive, with Elanga wasteful twice in blasting over from out wide and even wilder with an attempted cross. If anything, Leeds looked more likely to nick it, with Miley and Tino both getting caught out as the home side looked to counter. Nick Pope had a solid game throughout though, confidently claiming every ball into the box. With dread creeping in at the sight of Calvert-Lewin emerging from the Leeds bench, the obvious story was almost written but Pope reacted to boot away the striker’s effort and Leeds only shot on target.

A glance around the away end during injury time told its own story, as everyone looked a bit worn down by a poor game in miserable weather. At least it didn’t rain on the wander back to town and ultimately crashing back into the house at 2am after an ill-advised sojourn to the gunner tavern after my train got in. Apologies to my wife who was still miffed at the train station abandonment before I doubled down by bursting into the bedroom like Mr Blobby. Sorry pet x.

Two points from three games then and let’s address the elephant. We could be sat on a full house of nine points from a difficult set of fixtures if we’d had a recognised striker. The presence of Woltemade in the stands promises better times ahead and the overall performance of the team is something to build on, if we can start finding the finishes.

The next two days will almost certainly see movement on this, as a second striker is essential as Big Nick settles in. The other issue is of course the man whose unwillingness to do his job has cost us the potential good start. Some choice songs aimed in his direction suggest this relationship is broken beyond repair, although I can’t even guess what the next couple of days will bring for our erstwhile number 14. I’m sure this site will have many a tale about it that will take precedence over a report from an entirely forgettable wet afternoon on Yorkshire.

Rights, time for an international break. And maybe a coffee and a bit of a lie down, I don’t feel too fresh…

Leeds 0 Newcastle 0 – Saturday 30 August 2025 5.30pm

(Stats via BBC Sport)

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Leeds

Possession was Newcastle 57% Leeds 43%

Total shots were Newcastle 8 Leeds 10

Shots on target were Newcastle 2 Leeds 1

Corners were Newcastle 5 Leeds 5

Touches in the box Newcastle 13 Leeds 19

Newcastle team v Leeds:

Pope, Trippier (Hall 61), Schar, Botman (Barnes 69), Burn, Livramento, Tonali, Bruno, Ramsey (Miley 46), Jacob Murphy (Elanga 62), Osula