What Stan Kroenke and Mikel Arteta really talked about in Denver (parody) | OneFootball

What Arteta and Kroenke talked about in Denver during the transfer window

Mikel Arteta – Hi Boss. How’s it going. Are you happy with where we are in the League?

Stan Kroenke – Err sure… Are you near the top then?

MA – Yes boss, we are nearly certain to get back into Europe next season.

SK – Why? Are they starting the Super League after all?

MA – No boss, we just have to finish in the Top Six, and it’s looking gooooood…

SK – Excellent (he says, smiling and rubbing his hands) so what do you want to talk to me about?

MA – Welllll, I’ve decided to give away our best striker and I need another 75 million to buy a replacement. If you pay that, we will DEFINITELY be in Europe.

SK –  Are you serious? (not smiling any more) 150m in the summer was more than enough to guarantee Europe. That’s what you told me anyway!

MA – Yes boss, but look at how much money I’ve saved you by getting rid of half our players and their salaries.

SK – Saved me! You’ve already got to replace the 150m from the summer, and you want a pay rise!

MA – Seriously though, the fans will crucify me, and you, if we don’t bring in one player on deadline Day. And it would have to be a very good one if we are going to get away with it.

SK – Well the answer is still no. No more money until we add up our savings in the summer, and then I’ll decide if you get a new contract too.

MA – C’mon Boss. What am I going to tell the fans???

SK (thinking…)

SK – Okay I got a plan. We have a player at my soccer club, the Rapids. I’ve heard that he wants to go to Europe to play next season. Trusty by name, Trusty by nature! He’s quite a good player by all accounts too.…. How about we sign him over to Arsenal. Keep him here until the summer, then he can find a small team in Europe that can give him some experience. How does that sound?

MA (perplexed) Err.. how does that help me boss?

SK – Think about it you idiot! You can announce him on Deadline Day. Problem solved!

MA – Err Okay boss (walks away shaking his head….)

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