Spurs and Arsenal head the Mood Rankings as Chelsea and Man United edge out of basement | OneFootball

Arsenal and Spurs are in great moods. Man Utd not so much.

It’s north London all the way in the Barclays right now, and that’s inevitably reflected in the latest mood rankings as Crisis Club Manchester City plummet to fifth and Newcastle have the time of their lives.

Last month’s rankings in brackets, now disproven and embarrassingly wrong justifications for said rankings here.

20) Bournemouth (13) Hmm. Ah. Right. There’s still no definite reason to panic. They may have no wins and only three points, but that’s still the same number of wins and three more points than they got from the equivalent fixtures last season, the new manager is clearly trying to get his methods across to a new squad, and they also haven’t lost any of those games 9-0 this time around.

Everything may well still be fine, but there were always two worries with that tough set of opening fixtures. First and most obviously, the results might be and have been a little bit rubbish which is not really what you want after brutally binning off the manager who kept you up against the odds in favour of someone you (very reasonably) think has a higher ceiling.

But the other problem was that the difficulty tariff of those fixtures might provide more cover than was justified, obscuring the fact that things are actually quite seriously and fundamentally wrong. The nature of their most recent defeat – a comfortable and straightforward afternoon for the home team at Goodison Park of all places – does rather indicate that might be what’s happened.

Desperately need at least one win from post-interlull home games against Wolves (and Gary O’Neil…) and Burnley because after that it’s City and Newcastle and the very real prospect of a winless run stretching into December. Andoni Iraola surely wouldn’t and probably shouldn’t survive that, meaning the summer’s gamble will have failed miserably.

19) Sheffield United (16) Could be a classic piece of Barclays misdirection at play here. What if we were all so busy looking at Luton expecting them to ‘beat’ Derby’s record and then Sheffield United go and do it instead? Be a great bit, that. Unless you’re a Sheffield United fan.

Need to win a game soon, lads. Manchester United and Arsenal up next after the break, so great chance.

18) Manchester United (20) Probably still bottom of the pile were it not for Scott McTominay, which is a pretty neat summary of where we are with Manchester United right now. Still the most damning element of the fact they sit 10th in the Premier League with four wins and four defeats is the nagging sense that if it’s a false position at all, it’s falsely high. The four wins – culminating in those injury-time McTominay shenanigans against Brentford – have felt less convincing and significant than the defeats. Maybe that’s just all wrapped up in the fact This Is Manchester United Football Club We’re Talking About, but it’s not been a great start by any reasonable measure.

If you’re a decent chunk of the way into the season and you’ve scored the same number of Premier League goals as Wolves, then things are not going entirely well. And that’s before we even get to the fact United have made a complete bollocks of their first two Champions League games and remain beset by a wide and varied range of off-field stresses. And the unpleasantness of all this messy drama is exacerbated significantly by the fact that last year Erik Ten Hag really did seem to be taking meaningful strides towards making this once again a football club rather than a circus.

17) Brentford (9) Just quietly having a very, very bad start to the season for a club that would have hoped and expected to kick on after last season’s efforts.

Finished that campaign one point behind Spurs. Then drew with them on the opening day of this. Seven games later are 13 points behind Spurs, have won only once, and are level on points with Everton. Barclays comes at you fast.

They didn’t miss Ivan Toney until they absolutely did, but even looking ahead to his return feels a waste because he’s going to leave, isn’t he? Nobody is suggesting they might do anything as silly as get themselves into relegation bother – is third-season syndrome even a thing? – but the Burnley game straight after the interlull has a naggingly six-pointerish feel to it currently. After that it’s Chelsea, West Ham, Liverpool and Arsenal. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t feeling a touch pensive as a Brentford fan right now.

16) Chelsea (19) Three wins in a row now in all competitions. Nothing to worry about at all, is there? It’s all fine. Desperately needed those wins at Fulham and Burnley – the convincing nature of them really just a bonus at this point – because the run after the international break is unpleasant enough from mid-table. From anywhere near the relegation zone it could have been nightmarish. Arsenal, Brentford, Tottenham, City, Newcastle, Brighton, Manchester United is not a run of games anyone would relish.

But at least there are some wins against teams other than Luton on the board now, and the underlying numbers remain very encouraging. Also, with Blackburn visiting Stamford Bridge in the last 16, there remains the very real chance of Mauricio Pochettino winning the Carabao and thus instantly doing what he never could with his actually good Spurs team, and that would be very funny indeed.

And if you think Chelsea have by now grown well beyond a stage where ‘bantering Spurs right off’ remains a key consideration, then think again.

15) Everton (18) Getting there. Way less shit than they were a month ago, but still a bit shit. Most importantly, they do now appear unlikely to get themselves relegated because there are almost certainly three teams notably worse than they are.

It’s still not much of a life, but right now there remains the very real prospect of a relatively stress-free season and a manager sticking around for the entirety of it. It’s something, at least. And scoring three whole entire goals in one home game is a nice number of goals to score, isn’t it?

14) Burnley (17) The win at Luton was enormously necessary but also intensely frustrating because who knows how different things might look if their ‘winless start’ had in fact ended on the second weekend of the season as it should have done. That said, following up that win with a fifth straight home defeat, a battering off Chelsea of all people, suggests it might not have been as transformative as all that.

Still, the good news is that the next two games are a) away and b) against Brentford and Bournemouth. So, you know, every chance of decent results. And a reminder of just now many B derbies there are in the Premier League. Too many Bs in this league, guys. We’re surely going to get rid of at least one this season, though.

Actually got a decent run of games coming up after the international break, as long as you ignore Arsenal away as we must, and they are a team you suspect could drag themselves out of trouble in the weeks ahead. Or f**k themselves into the sun.

13) Luton (15) Won a game. Which is not something every Premier League team can currently say. Also doing broadly fine really in terms of performance. They’re still almost certainly going to get relegated but that’s not news to anyone and for a team marked down as potential rivals to Derby’s all-time low they can currently point to the fact they are not currently the league’s worst performer on any significant metric. Brighton have conceded more goals. Bournemouth have scored fewer. Sheffield United have a worse goal difference. And most strikingly of all, they’re actually currently 17th and on course to survive with 19 points which would in itself be a sensational banter we should all get behind.

12) Fulham (12) Twelfth in the last one of these. And the one before that. And, far less importantly, in the actual Premier League table. We have accidentally created another Phil Neville here, for which we can only apologise. Set for a spectacularly boring season in which they flirt with neither top-half excitement nor relegation bother. Sometimes those seasons can be a lovely thing. Relaxing. Stress free. Don’t want too many of them in a row, though, lest relaxing become boring and you find yourself longing even for the terror of a relegation scrap just to feel alive. You don’t want to become Crystal Palace, do you?

11) Crystal Palace (11) In Uncle Roy Hodgson’s previous spell at Palace, he established them as an enormously reliable if frequently quite dull mid-table staple. There they were, sometimes 11th, sometimes 13th, never in any danger of doing anything terrible like get relegated or anything wild like nick a European spot. Crystal Palace are here; they always are. Then they put Patrick Vieira in charge and it was a lot more fun. There was suddenly giddy uncertainty about what they might do. They were exciting going forward now, but perhaps a bit shaky at the back. But on their day, nobody was safe. It was intoxicating. Then they got themselves ever so slightly embroiled in that silly nine-team relegation scrap last season, so back came Uncle Roy for some more of that sweet, sweet mid-table safety.

And there they are. Ninth. Which is admittedly higher than normal, but we’re going to go right ahead and blame Manchester United and Chelsea for that. If ninth is a touch high for a Hodgson Palace, then the goals columns are absolutely spot on. A goal difference that sits proudly on zero; none of that flashy ‘positive goal difference’ showiness here, thank you very much. None of that for a team with a defensive record bettered only by Manchester City and Arsenal and a scoring record worse than all bar Luton, Bournemouth and Sheffield United.

Palace’s sheer relentless efficiency is highlighted by the enormous value of their goals. Every Premier League goal they’ve scored is worth just over 1.7 points, placing them comfortably top of the table on that particular vitally important metric. But here’s the thing: goals are fun, Roy. People like goals. The fans can have a little goals, as a treat.

10) Wolves (14) Just all far, far less horrible than it might have been. They’re even scoring more than a goal a game, for crying out loud. We may all have to accept that Gary O’Neil is the leading light in the next generation of British Firefighter Manager, accepting the call wherever’s he needed before being unceremoniously replaced by greener-grassed and flashier options. Beating City an obvious and major highlight, and if Wolves continue their current point-per-game record they will avoid relegation by an absolutely vast margin the way the bottom four currently look.

‘Avoiding relegation with a bit to spare’ ought not be enough for Wolves generally – and it wouldn’t fly next season – but after the shambles of a summer culminating in Julen Lopetegui’s exit on the eve of the season it is the best that could reasonably be hoped for from this campaign. The City game apart, it’s generally relief rather than joy that’s the overriding emotion coming out of Molineux this season. But relief is still a positive.

9) Nottingham Forest (7) Daring to dream of a relatively unflustered season of lower mid-table humdrummery with the occasional big-boy bothering tossed in for good measure. It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.

8) Brighton (5) Losing 6-1 at Villa is undeniably sub-optimal, but Brighton are the Premier League’s entertainers and sometimes that means playing the fall guy. Their eight games thus far have featured 37 goals, which is an absurdly brilliant number of goals and a record they simply must maintain for everyone’s benefit over the weeks and months ahead. Brighton’s games have already featured 23 more goals than Crystal Palace’s and that is very much the real quiz.

Nobody has scored more goals than Brighton, and only the bottom three have conceded more. If you’re a Seagulls fan who can’t enjoy all that while sitting sixth in the Premier League and enjoying Europa League away days in Marseille, Amsterdam and Athens then we really can’t help you.

7) West Ham (3) As blips go, ‘losing to Liverpool and Manchester City’ isn’t too bad, is it? The Hammers are enjoying a third consecutive season in Europe – where they’ve made another fine start to a campaign and set a new unbeaten record for English teams in continental competition – and have position themselves very much in the conversation for qualification through the league after last season’s domestic unpleasantness. Currently seventh, but that won’t even matter when they win the Europa League, will it?

6) Aston Villa (8) Absolutely nothing about this season is doing anything to indicate last season’s late-season run into the European places was any kind of fluke, and Villa are also establishing themselves among the division’s more reliably watchable teams. They’ve already won games 4-0 and 6-1 and already lost games 5-1 and 3-0. That’s a team you want to pay some attention. They’re also fifth, above Everyone’s Second Team Brighton, and only four points off top spot. Got to be happy with all that, really, haven’t you? Apart from maybe the 5-1 and 3-0 defeats. But at least take solace in the knowledge they gave joy to others. That’s how football fandom works, right? Being pleased for others? No? Okay.

5) Manchester City (2) Must inevitably drop a few places after back-to-back league defeats for the first time in five years. Chuck in a sloppy Carabao exit to Newcastle and it’s three domestic defeats in a row. The Arsenal game was genuinely quite striking for the paucity not only of City’s football but also their ambition.

They appeared very happy, very early with a point and ended up not even getting that from a team they have made a habit of toying with and destroying over many, many years. Rodri and Kevin De Bruyne are, clearly, quite good footballers that any team would miss but it’s a bit rum for City to be quite so very dependent on them, especially when that is exposed so harshly in a game where Arsenal are forced to manage with Bukayo Saka for the first time in living memory.

Look, there’s no panic. It’s probably all going to be fine. We can and should all ignore headlines like ‘WHAT’S GONE WRONG WITH ERLING HAALAND?’ – certainly while he remains the Premier League’s leading scorer, anyway.

The likeliest outcome of this Premier League season still involves the words ‘Manchester City’ and ‘seven to ten points’ but there has been some inevitably and largely avoidable aura damage over the past fortnight that has given encouragement to and further enhanced the mood at those now sitting ahead of them on here and/or the actual table.

4) Newcastle (10) Now they’ve started. It was a sticky start to the season and Newcastle’s players and manager will soon discover they now occupy rarefied air where that won’t be tolerated for long before you’re in crisis territory and badges are being cracked. Whacking teams 8-0 soon shifts that particular dial, though, and the Mailbox made the very reasonable point that the utterly joyous 4-1 Champions League dismantling of PSG may represent a true high point for fans.

There will almost inevitably be greater glories and triumphs ahead, but never again will they sit as they currently do and most notably did that night in that sweetest of spots where they’ve reached the point they can inflict that kind of beating on that kind of club but not yet got to a point where expectation has reached such astronomical levels where every weekend is stressful and every dropped point a cause for alarm. You’d tell them to make sure they enjoy it, but we’re pretty sure they already are.

3) Liverpool (6) Climbers on this list for a couple of reasons. One, they’re quite obviously very good. Probably not quite title-contention good, but also very possibly title-contention good and thus significantly ahead of any reasonable schedule after they were forced to complete a necessary midfield reboot far quicker than anyone would really like. Maybe that’s all for the best, though. Like ripping off a plaster.

Mo Salah is a) still there and b) back to his very, very best scoring-and-creating form which is marvellous, while the unspellable Dominic Szoboszlai already looks like one of the summer’s best buys and a firm favourite of The Kop.

The fixture list is such that if they win their next game it will take them top of the Premier League, and that next game is at home to Everton, so you’d imagine it should be fine. That alone would be enough to place anyone high in the mood rankings, but Liverpool and their fans are currently fuelled by a sense of righteous fury over the absurd goings-on at Spurs the other week and secretly everyone loves it when they get to convince themselves the universe is against them.

You only need to look at them pretending there was some grave injustice about an incident that saw a penalty awarded to *checks notes* Liverpool at the weekend to see how addictive that can be. Absolutely loving it, they are, despite the ‘Nobody sensible is calling for a replay/Very clever of Jurgen to call for a replay’ mental gymnastics they had to perform the other week.

2) Arsenal (4) Finally beating Manchester City in a Premier League game after about 84 years is a huge deal and not even the strictest most joyless sergeants in the Celebration Police could really bring themselves to try and piss on that particular bowl of cornflakes. Arsenal are second in the league, above everyone they ought to need to worry about (City and Liverpool, essentially) and with a keen sense that this team is not yet operating anywhere near its ceiling. Only two things are slightly deflating the Arsenal balloon right now: Tottenham’s f**king nonsense and the fear that Mikel Arteta might finally have broken Bukayo Saka by picking him for literally every game of football ever.

But they are clear and genuine second favourites to win the title and it’s still only a couple of years ago that they really were quite alarmingly shit. It’s been a stunning transformation.

1) Tottenham (1) Hahahaha. Top of this league, this other league and the actual league, and you have to say that’s magnificent. Having the absolute time of their lives, and would be doing so even if they were sixth but still playing the kind of football they’ve been starved of for almost five years of unpleasantness and gaslighting from miserable managers who didn’t want to be there.

Now very much in the ‘LOL, obviously we’re not going to win the league hahaha that would be crazy it definitely won’t happen… but also, what if we did?’ stage of proceedings, while everyone else has begun Tottenham Won’t Sustain This manoeuvres. Interestingly, the most vocal fanbase on this front is Arsenal, who should recognise all such noise from roughly this point last season.

Some rival fans have even taken to pointing out Spurs’ (admittedly hilariously, comically difficult) April and May fixture list featuring successive games against Newcastle, Manchester City, Arsenal and Liverpool to show why they’re not worried about Ange Postecoglou’s banter merchants, accidentally proving they are very worried indeed about them. Nothing says ‘Not worried about these clowns’ quite like checking what games they’ve got in six months’ time.

Spurs’ last three Premier League wins are certainly evidence of something, it’s just not yet entirely certain what. They were behind at home to Sheffield United with 96 minutes on the clock, used up an entire season’s worth of good fortune against Liverpool and then had an xG of about 12 after the first half-hour against Luton but ended up having to battle their way to a 1-0 win with 10 men. Definitely keeps them top of the mood rankings because it’s all so very funny, but must be noted they have been slightly rattled by the fallout from the Liverpool game. But then they are also the first team in Premier League history to do absolutely nothing wrong and yet have to spend a week listening to the other team cry about it and then be told the classy thing to do would be to offer an unprecedented replay or that they should have just let Liverpool score for some reason. You’d be annoyed too. But you’d also be laughing. Definitely laughing. Won’t win the league (but what if they do?!?!!?!) but may well win this.