Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

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The Celtic Star

·20 October 2024

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v WOLVES IN SHEEPS’ CLOTHING…

“Quero pedir desculpa aos meus fãs, ao povo de Portugal e ao público televisivo globalmente pela minha birra no final do jogo contra a Escócia. O que posso dizer? Foi uma noite emocionante para mim. Um desempenho terrível. Não posso ter desculpas. Posso simplesmente oferecer apenas a verdade – eu bottled it de O Brickie.” – Christiano Ronaldo social media post, Wednesday.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Kasper Schmeichel centre, Arne Engels left and Alex Valle applaud the fans after the final whistle in the Scottish Premiership match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 5.5/10 – Kasper, nervous? Maybe not. But a certain level of anxiety crept into his game as the second-half contagion spread throughout. Passing was loose, command unsure, direction almost abstract as he tried to keep his defence’s heads in the moment. Culminated in their third goal, mercifully disallowed, that really was Kasper’s high ball to come and take. But he got out of it further unscathed, ready for the incoming storm. And I don’t mean Sunday’s weather forecast; try Wednesday…

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UNCANNY – 6.5/10 – Kid’s got balls. And he’s lucky to have any left after the roughing the Sheep dished out. Starting with a two-footed stomp from scraggy presbyterian rat-catcher Shindig, followed through by the Dons’ ‘tactical plan’ to unsettle us with incessant boorish thuggery. But the kid is a relentless footballer in the Barca breed, and was striving until the last to be an architect of a late win. Great industry and cover, particularly stopping a certainty first-half when Kasper beaten.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Scottish Premiership – Celtic Park Celtic’s Alistair Johnston left in action during the match at Celtic Park, on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

WAYNE GRETZKY – 6/10 – Everything was as per normal all opening 45 as AJ put in the standard right-wing support shift. But their subsequent injection of pace and purpose had him stretched and chasing jersey numbers many a time. Which he did reasonably well, though having to sacrifice a lot of attacking threat until the death. Couldn’t believe his luck as the last-ditch block on the line denied him a winner and us a penalty with that physics defying penalty-not-a-penalty moment that mystifies a thousand replays.

OF JUSTICE – 7/10 MOTM – Thank goodness for Liam. ‘Whit!’ bark ten thousand haters. The only Celt on it totally today, a stalwart in a shaky defence; the mhan whom the match was built upon as well – with a flimsy midfield overwhelmed by red antagonists, the onus many a time fell to Liam to build and pick the passes. He did everything asked with exemplary precision. Terrific interceptions, stepping in with immaculate timing, and a particular magnificent one-on-one recovery when looking outpaced. Could do nothing about their goals – the first slicing us open with surgical expertise; a goal we’d a have crowed over. Second, a fluke. Around the trauma of our malfunctioning central areas, at least he was there, sharp and cool, to provide some sort of foil for their gallusness.

Aberdeen captain Graeme Shinnie scores to tie the game 2-2, beating Celtic goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel with a deflected goal off Auston Trusty of Celtic. Celtic v Aberdeen, Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 19 October 2024 Photo StuartWallace/ Shutterstock

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 5.5/10 – I’ll give him this – he did eventually grow into the game and finished strong and determined to find a winner. But he’d been rolled too many times beforehand, had failed to dish out the punishment they deserved as they ran about putting the boot in. His job is to be the uncompromising rock their physical – and mental – coourage flounders upon; he was just too easy a mark for too long in the game. But he does look fit, strong, athletic and capable of being an enforcer we need; if he stops being too nice and sets about breaking heids.

CALMAC – 5/10 – Stifeld almost to the point of suffocation even in a first half of decent outcome. Their gameplan was to throttle our playmaker and pick off the others. First part worked well, but our others had the swagger and guile to smack their cheeky Northern rear-ends. Different story after the interval as our relaxed posture got us stabbed in both buttocks and Calmac toiled fruitlessly in a stretched midfield that had lost shape and was caught between a rock and a hard place as we chased goals to assuage the momentum shift. He looked a mhan alone for too many awkward moments, hustled out of danger and out of possession. He needs to have some strong words with some weak minds before Wednesday.

THE TERMINATOR – 5.5/10 – Oozed class and threat all first half, very unlucky with a couple of attempts, the acute angle swerver a goal of the season might-have-been. Then he worryingly faded when we needed them chasing him all over. Instead, he was on the defensive, hauling tired legs after pacy newcomers. Somehow, he lost rhythm and positivity; his threatening edge got blunted too easily.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Celtic’s Reo Hatate celebrates scoring the first goal of the game during the Scottish Premiership match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

HAKUNA HATATE – 6.5/10 – Looked tremendous as he drifted into the game with touch and killer accuracy. We had the Reo of lore and song back in action and it was looking a question of how many and how many for him?Then, as noted, we lost our way; they fought theirs back into it and Reo got hooked. Justly? Or mistakenly? Did he have the winner in him? Hmm.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 3/10 – Disaster for Daizen. Dortmund levels of muckwittery as he sold the jerseys like sushi at a Tokyo fishmarket (copyright cliched national metaphors inc.). Despite even his burst to help in our second goal, Daizen looked off it and lacking energy; incredibly…Pray this was an aberration and he’s not picked up a stupid autumn Scottish cold.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Kyogo Furuhashi celebrates scoring the second goal of the game during the Scottish Premiership match on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

KILLER MUSHROOM – 6/10 – Great finish to have us coasting. But intricate footwork when he should have just put a foot through it denied him more, and us a win. By nature he’s meticulous, but today was over-elaborating at times you just expected him to dispatch the ball into the net.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Nicolas Kuhn and Sivert Heltne Nilsen battle for the ball during the Scottish Premiership match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024.Photo Jane Barlow

TAKINTE – 6/10 – Nearly, almost, aye, aye, ayyyeee… Naw. The German Jinky looked continually on the cusp of some match-winning moment of guile and greatness but juuuussssttt couldn’t eclipse the promise with potency; our match entire, encapsulated.

SUBS –

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6/10 – Once, twice, thrice… denied , denied, denied. Headers and volleys in the schoolyard for the last ten minutes but the big superhero must be wondering how we weren’t bouncing out of Paradise chanting his name after scoring the winner. Sometimes, the flaming ball just won’t go in for you.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5.5/10 – A nice bit of guile, introduced too late(?). Thought Luke had won a pen at the end but , ‘know, fine measurements an’ ‘nat…Was screaming for him to take that bloody free-kick and pap it up and over the wall into their net, rather than relent and watch the stupidfest that ensued as experienced professionals thought they could roll it between each other and not get rushed by desperate defenders just yards away. I mean, for heaven’s sake..

JAMESY – 5.5/10 – Jamesy’s not scored all season. That’s a fact, apparently, and I also thought it might be one of the seven signs of the coming apocalypse until I realised they meant goals on a football pitch. Phew. Speaking of which, he might have had a double, but for the luck that plagued us all second 45.

SAINT BERNARDO – 5.5/10 – Another fine introduction of touch and nous, and possibly another too late to the party?

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 5.5/10 – So what happened there? Tactically outguessed by Jimmy from Brookside? ‘I will not compromise…’

Celtic v Aberdeen – Scottish Premiership – Celtic Park Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers applauds the fans after the final whistle in the match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

BR appeared a bit forlorn as we surrendered a two-goal lead to a team that looked set to launch a damage-limitation exercise, but sucker-punched him with pace and directness. He didn’t react quickly or decisively. Didn’t reshape the side to regain control and made questionably changes at questionable times, and overall seemed a bit bewildered about the turn of events. That’s our job. His job is to find a fix and be fluid about it. He didn’t manage it, and only escaped a defeat due to a flukey break off Duk’s arm and them tiring through adrenalin reduction. Got a point that once looked an easy three, and lot to think about.

MIBBERY – 6/10 – Little Nick was flourishing the cards like a fan-dancing Kenny Everett and being frustratingly pernickity about it all. Did make up for the frustrating stoppages with injury time but the big bone of contention was the VAR non-pen call in the dying seconds. Surely the only way that ball deflects back out is by an arm? Surely? Not sure. Have watched that countless times. Definitive? Hmm… A mystery for the ghost of Arthur C. Clarke to unravel. Or John C. Holmes – because repeat viewings leave one with the only plausible explanation that Duk must surely have slapped it back out with his massive wang, otherwise it was a stonewaller.

Well… https://t.co/7D5FFtSRF1
– Saturday, 19 October 2024

OVERALL – 5.5/10 – So, obviously everybody was boozing and fornicating over the international break. What might have been a good tune-up for the midweek CL disintegrated into a dire warning. From palpitating to phish-taking. Chucking a 2-goal title-topping lead against your closest rivals after they were looking like sacrificial lambs leaves a foul taste. Or a bovine one. Our capitulation was almost Dortmund-like as they came back out like rabids (it’s a sheep breed, dear triggered…) and may have been comparatively worse than Dortmund, because, well… It’s Aberdeen fhs.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Aberdeen manager Jimmy Thelin centre right shake hands with Gavin Molloy right after the final whistle in the Scottish l Premiership match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

We got a draw, savaged them in their own box all last twenty minutes and may have scored five on any other given Saturday after overcoming their early enthusiasm to pick them off with clinical guile like Mick Jagger at a P Diddy party. Trouble was – and it’s BIG trouble – the intervening half hour of turmoil when they showed what they’ve learned from their new boss, the legendary Jimmy Corkhill; which amounted to a heightened level of cheek and belief, and put us on the ropes with injected pace and direct running. Plus a few dodgy trackies sales on the side, badge printed by Sinbad.

Celtic v Aberdeen – Graeme Shinnie (hidden) celebrates scoring their second goal of the game with team-mates in front of the away fans during the Scottish Premiership match at Celtic Park on Saturday October 19, 2024. Photo Jane Barlow

Reality is we failed to cope properly with their press. Lost our bearings and almost the game. It was another expose of this Celtic’s Achilles heel – turn us, and we stay turned for a while. We seem to lack the (trained?) instinct to regroup and find a shape and structure to rebuild from. We had as much trouble keeping them at bay as we did in Germany. I’ll say it AGAIN… It’s A-ber-deen, fhs.

But we’re still top, still unbeaten, still champions, and we hope to have gained some insight with our failings. The Bhoys will have plenty to muse upon. After they’ve stopped laughing when Killie pap the Zombies on Sunday. ‘Mon young Armstrong…

Anyway, until midweek. Wednesday may involve peeking out over the back of a couch. May Ghod be with us…

Go Away Now

Sandman