Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Ewe Order

In partnership with

The Celtic Star

·3 November 2024

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Ewe Order

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v EWE ORDER…

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – William Shakespeare, ‘Ode To The Sheep’.

Celtic v Aberdeen, Premier Sports Cup semi-final, Hampden Park, 2nd November 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6/10 – “Is Hampden haunted?” Kasper spent a chilly evening mostly on his own, wondering why after the smoke cleared the only players who came near him were in the hoops. Not one save to make of note. Fielded a few ‘Dolly-ed’ (see what I did there fans of genetically altered Aberdonians?) shots better than the New York Yankees outfield managed in the World Series (har-de-har), and was crisp with his distribution. A relaxing Saturday tea-time, then.

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Alex Valle of Celtic runs with the ball under pressure from Graeme Shinnie of Aberdeen during the Premier Sports Cup Semi-Final match between Celtic and Aberdeen at Hampden Park on November 02, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

UNCANNY – 7/10 – Good boy! Heel! The way he scampered about, deft and sharp; like a well trained dug… A sheepdug! Definitely merited his start and went about his business in that Barca-drilled consummately professional manner. Terrific young player. Not ours, sadly.

Alistair Johnston with Kasper Schmeichel. Photo Vagelis Georgariou for The Celtic Star

WAYNE GRETZKY – 7.5/10 – Just another barnstorming day at the office for one of the most improved Celts this season. Must be moose mating season somewhere, as he’s finding energy reserves and a depth of situational-awareness we’ve not seen before. His game has levelled-up to proper dynamic full-back- with-attacking-options; those willing over and under-lapping runs into space rewarded at the end with his assist for the 6th.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 7/10 – Hmm, a conundrum. The Ginger Baresi makes way for the Yank Cannavaro; merited? A bone of contention there. But his inclusion was explained (athleticism, basically, to cope with striker’s blindside runs) and we waited…And nothing much was of a bother to him. You can see how he’s adapting to the system, finding his footing within it, understanding the contribution expected of a Celtic centre-back, domestically in particular. Had a fine game in all aspects.

Cameron Carter-Vickers opens the scoring in the 6-0 win against Aberdeen in the Premier Sports Cup semi-final at Hampden on 2nd November 2024. Photo AJ for The Celtic Star

GET CARTER – 7.5/10 – The beast is back! Savage, merciless performance that proffered no hope to a battered, shorn opposition frontline. And left their defensive perceptions in distress as he thumped home a header to set the fuse alight. The twisted firestarter!

Callum McGregor of Celtic receives a yellow card for referee Kevin Clancy during the Premier Sports Cup Semi-Final match between Celtic and Aberdeen at Hampden Park on November 02, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Shoogly for a while, but no surprise; he relies on that rhythmic footballing brain to be perfectly in tune, and a two-game rest is too much for the skipper. He’s not a player who benefits from being on the outside – he’s the heart of the club. But after a few stray passes, anxious touches and a yellow card for… nothing at all; sorry, winning the ball…He found his mojo and the second 45 was a Calmac-controlled possession procession.

Reo Hatate congratulates Daizen Maeda. Photo AJ for The Celtic Star

HAKUNA HATATE – 7/10 – Another slow starter but we know that’s Reo. The hope is always that he too gets in synch and becomes the unplayable ninja drifter. That he did, after the break especially, and was admirably instrumental in the attacking flow. A jhoy to watch when he’s instinctively on his game.

THE TERMINATOR – 7/10 – Tonight’s lesson: The kid has class, class. The midweek swagger wasn’t diminished and, as I’ve noted, there’s an air of Aryan-arrogance about him; residue from the Bundesliga we’re benefitting from as he finds his feet. And what feet – control, clips and passes. Highlight of the game his vicious fizzing corner that CCV buried. I wish we’d let him call the shots (almost literally) at corners and decide on the play. That sort of delivery goes a lot further than spanky tikki-takka short shifts or ‘cute’ low balls aimed at the front post…Nah, slam it into the goalmouth at head-height, swooping like a flaming kestrel and let their alarmed net-minder deal with our heavy team piling in.

Or am I just uncultured?

Daizen Maeda with the match ball. Photo Vagelis Georgariou for The Celtic Star

LORD KATSUMOTO – 8.5/10 MOTM – The Rap Ghod of Hampden Park; Daizeminem made us Sing For The Moment as he went Godzilla on them, with Venom, Til They Collapsed. The Fast And The Furious turned in their car keys when he motored the length of the park to set up Kyogo. The following hat-trick crowned him king for the night and no wonder – the humble Japanese has been the enigma of Celtic’s century, electrifying and stupefying – always time for a ‘Daizen’s Daizening again,’ moment, with a stray cross fired at the kiosks. Yet he remains indispensable, a legend of our times.

Kyogo makes it 2-0. Photo AJ for The Celtic Star

KILLER MUSHROOM – 7/10 – Finally – and the final for us – Kyogo gets his (Ja… no, don’t say it; filthy…) eye back in and the Dundee blemishes are erased in time for the forthcoming CL Titanic Tuesday. And he nearly skied it, lol. But in off the bar or not, they all count. No more than he deserves for the workrate; cutting, juking, darting around their rugged backline. Off he came, eventually, grinning; and happy Kyogo = goals.

Nicolas Kuhn of Celtic scores during the Premier Sports Cup Semi-Final match between Celtic and Aberdeen at Hampden Park on November 02, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

TAKINTE – 7.5/10 – Zing! As if Daizen wasn’t enough, we’ve added the German Jinky as a counter-terror deployment; not to counter any terror, literally, but to add terror to our counter, if you know what I mean in a Spike Milligan sense…The Dons certainly do. He was a Shakesperian tempest to their Doric disarray, running them through with a swashbuckling blade as he cavorted around like Errol Flynn on crack. That climactic swish of his switchblade left-foot into the top corner iced their blood and had them begging for a merciful return to the relatively warm Northern chill. Keep him fit, let him loose.

SUBS –

GREGGS THE BAKER – N/A – Tidy things up, Greggs, was the instruction. Sweeping done.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6/10 – Clumsy, we thought, as he bundled about, losing possession. Then up he pops with the sumptuous deft flick to set AJ in for the 6th and all is forgiven.

DUNCAN IDAHO – N/A – At least he can still walk after the ‘nothing tackle’ (© Eddie Flaming Munster) aka Motherwell GBH. Didn’t see him run much, but Tuesday will tell…

OF JUSTICE – N/A – Did we even need him? An easier win bonus he’ll never earn; cruise around for half an hour looking cool.

JAMESY – 6/10 – “Sheerin’ ye say…Like Ah’m no up for that, man, eh?” laughed Jamesy as the call came from the boss to ‘strip’. So on he came – almost literally in the Prestwick Flash’s case – and took up where he left-off Wednesday; more composed, clever wingplay and general Jamesyness, also involved in the 6th build-up. Nobody’s now done more Sheep worrying than veteran Jamesy; He’s worried The Sheep more times than The Sheep have worried sheep. Let that sink in, tongue-twister fans, if you change worried back to something else.

Brendan Rodgers salutes the Celtic support after the 6-0 win against Aberdeen in the Premier Sports Cup semi-final at Hampden on 2nd November 2024. Photo AJ for The Celtic Star

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 8/10 – It’s Gerry Creaney arsepads at Xmas for Buck. And you thought he didn’t believe in the long ball as he took one for the team, going down like a Jamesy conquest, ending up with skid marks like the ones inside the hemp Crapstore trackies of watching Zombies. Eyebrows were raised like Captain Kirk as we found out he’d opted for the pure American pairing at centre-back over the Irish-Yank hybrid; more Butch and Sundance than Limerick and Goose (see what I did there, fans of Top Gun and classic cowboy flicks?).

But he got the last laugh, absolutely schooling Jimmy From Brookside as his Hoops went ‘ram’pant against the Great Northern Flock. Job completely done and a chance to switch focus towards the big game, Tuesday. If only things go so well, then.

Brendan Rodgers, Manager of Celtic, receives a yellow card from referee Kevin Clancy during the Premier Sports Cup Semi-Final match between Celtic and Aberdeen at Hampden Park on November 02, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

MIBBERY – 5/10 – Obviously, Clancy Drew was a school hallway monitor. A humourless one at that. ‘But it’s the rules…’ Aye, keep them cattle trucks filling…But the blistering Celts gave the MIBs little hope for salvaging their Zombie overlords’ reputations; only the double-yellow sacred masonic top-trump card of the Celtic’ manager and captain both in the book in a single match will give them any solace.

OVERALL – 8.5/10 No pyro, no starty. Not for long, though. Soon after it became apparent the real firecrackers were the Hoops on the park; look, everybody – it’s Donsfire Night. Telltet yeez on Friday, so I did, that I fancied 4 or 5. The Hoops let my Spidey senses down and papped in 6…This was our ‘Did ye, aye…” performance against the uppity latest Zombie-skelpers, eager to tell us all about it, and indicate we were next.

But our Bhoys had let them run their mouths off after their fortunate but creditable draw at Paradise. All that talk, and not a peep from The Hoops…So after a half hour of standing in their faces and matching their physical approach, the Celts’ boots started talking. And heids – slam, bam, thank you, Baaaaaaa’m, said CCV and off we went.

Daizen Maeda of Celtic acknowledges the fans while holding the match ball after the Premier Sports Cup Semi-Final match between Celtic and Aberdeen at Hampden Park on November 02, 2024. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

Thereafter, the gulps in the Sheep throats were audible through the cacophony of green and white glee as rear-ends were spanked, egos shrivelled and gurning Presbyterian ratcatcher, Gimpy Shammie, was put back in his place by a second-half masterclass in lethal possession football.

A big test, we were told. No, not for us. That comes Tuesday and midweeks beyond. This was our next step to domestic glory and record silverware hauls. The team is clicking and the product is thrilling. How far do we dare to dare? Answers incoming. Let’s enjoy the ride.

Go Away Now

Sandman