OneFootball's Alternative Premier League Awards 2019/20 🏆

OneFootball

Lewis Ambrose

Article image: OneFootball's Alternative Premier League Awards 2019/20 🏆

Player of the Season this, Golden Boot that. Who cares?

The Premier League is about so much more and this is what we’re really here for. Our Alternative Premier League Awards for the 2019/20 season.


The Sergio Agüero award for most dramatic title race goal

Way back in September, Man City trailed 2-0 at newly-promoted Norwich. They pulled one back, only to concede another, and that was that.

There was no catching Liverpool from there.


The Michael Jordan award for switching sports

Retired from playing professional football, Petr Cech can still keep goal pretty well. Or maybe that should be ‘tend goal’ after he kicked off his amateur ice hockey career back in October.


The Mike Dean award for Worst VAR Moment

Everton were ahead on the south coast when the worst penalty of the season was awarded and the game was turned on its head.

No, seriously, Michael Keane’s ‘foul’ on Aaron Connolly was the worst decision given all season long.


Best recurring joke

Man United’s ability  to get a penalties, no matter how soft, setting a new Premier League record for a single season.


The Dubious Goals Panel Reaction of the Season

Poor Ezri Konsa.


The Special One award for Best Press Conference Quote

“I’m not going to make the same mistakes. I’m going to make new mistakes.”


The Kevin Phillips award for best English striker

Because it’s not Harry Kane, it’s not Marcus Rashford, and it’s not even Jamie Vardy. No, the best English striker won’t be playing in Europe next season because he plays for Southampton.

Danny Ings is brilliant.


The Didier Drogba award for Excelling Against A Specific Opponent

It’s all about Adama Traoré, who netted three of his four goals against champions Manchester City.


The Héctor Bellerín award for Most Fashionable Player

We aren’t worthy of Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Tom Davies.


The Ipswich Town award for Sensational Promoted Team

Sheffield United, obviously.


The Derby County award for making up the numbers

Norwich, unfortunately.


Best Breakthrough Artist

Mason Greenwood, by far, with a remarkable debut season.


Worst Supporting Cast

Jack Grealish shone for Aston Villa but his team-mates, well, they just weren’t up to his level.


The Bayern Munich award for Best Managerial change

Goes to Arsenal, for the appointment of Mikel Arteta. The Gunners look like a football team again.


The Bayern Munich Title Race award

Goes to Liverpool, for being far too good for everyone else.


Luis Suarez award for Best January Signing

Has Bruno Fernandes’ name all over it. In fact, this award will be named after him from next season on.


The VAR award for Longest Unwanted Delay

Fuck coronavirus.


The Queer Eye award for Best Transformation

Michail Antonio pre-lockdown: 2 goals in 15 appearances

Michael Antonio post-lockdown: 7 goals in 7 appearances


The Watford FC ‘Managerial Merry Go-Round’ award

  • September 2019 – Javi Gracia is sacked by Watford
  • December 2019 – Quique Sánchez Flores is sacked by Watford for the second time in four years
  • December 2019 – Hayden Mullins manages two games, Nigel Pearson is appointed
  • July 2020 – Pearson is sacked for turning Watford’s season around, Hayden Mullins manages two games

The Brendan Rodgers award for Biggest Breakdown

Goes to Brendan Rodgers and his Leicester City side. They picked up 2.375 points per game from the first 16 games, then 1.09 points per game from the remaining 22.


The ‘A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte’ award

Alexandre Lacazette has never been more chilled.