Not strictly true that it was Newcastle United or nobody for me – A squaddie in Germany | OneFootball

I wrote my last article about the fact that you can only have one team, it was basically Newcastle United or nobody for me.

Well, actually that wasn’t quite true. I lied to you.

I do have a second and third and fourth team, but that’s ok.

That is because they are German.

As a young Northern kid in the early eighties, I found myself struggling to make my way in the world. The Army was a way out for myself and many others.

The amount of lads I knew who answered to “Geordie” was huge. Funny how back then, those from Sunderland didn’t object to being called Geordie

I wonder if that’s still the case? Surely any proud son of Pennywell, would insist on being referred to as “Mackem”…

Back then, when you finished your training, it was time for a posting.

In my regiment that meant one of three options.

Northern Ireland

Only the daft lads, who thought they were Rambo, asked for this. Walking the streets of Belfast was not for the faint of heart. And you weren’t going down the town for a pint on your day off.

The Falklands

Post-conflict, this was a punishment post. Six months on a rock at the end of the world, with no comforts of life and just Penguins and other avian beasts to keep you company (Insert mackem joke here).

There were not too many pubs in Port Stanley and the one that there was, would normally be taken over by 3 Para or 42 Commando, or whichever bunch of nutters were posted there to scare off the Argies. It was highly recommended to avoid the Globe at times like that.

Germany

The majority of us were off to Germany.

Depending on where they sent you, that would dictate your German team.

The sharp end

The keen ones went to the eastern front, near the border. We were told that should World War 3 break out, life expectancy for the units in the area was 10 minutes.

A bit like an away day at Millwall.

No wonder that these lads would spend every weekend in the likes of Hamburg’s Reeperbahn, handing over all their cash to some fraulein, dressed in a basque.

Well, that’s what I heard went on, apparently.

Up here, your team would be Hanover 96, Hamburg (recent European champions and Keegan’s club), or if you were cool, St. Pauli.

I’m not sure there is a more cool football club on the planet than St. Pauli. It’s very hard to put in a few words just why this is. I guess you just need to make it a weekend bucket list trip, to find out.

From what I remember back then squaddies were not really welcome, due to their fans’ political allegiances, so Hamburg it tended to be.

The middle ground

The lads who got sent to the Ruhr Valley, around the Muster and Bielefeld area, got to choose between two brilliant clubs. Dortmund and Schalke.

We all know Dortmund from last season but dare I suggest that Schalke are even better?

If I had to choose a German Newcastle, then it’s Schalke. Coal mining area and ridiculously loyal fans. Oh and a club that tends to implode if things are going too well.

A few years ago they were Champions League and this season just gone have been near the bottom of the second tier. Still get 60,000 fans though. As I say, a great club.

Then there was the rear echelon (REMFs)

I will let you work out what the MF stood for.

Here you got Monchengladbach who were a very good side, having recently been in European Cup finals and winning the league.

Or in my case, you were posted to Krefeld. Therefore it was FC Bayer Uerdigen 04.

Bayer were not a huge club. The size of Crystal Palace, however, I remember standing on the terraces watching than play Terry Venables’ Barcelona in the UEFA Cup.

Of course, once I turned up, they went into freefall, and these days the club who played in Europe, are now playing at the equivalent level of Gateshead!

We like to think English football is the be all and end all.

However, I have nothing but great memories of going to German matches, stuffing my face with currywurst and drinking copious amounts of Pilsner.

I strongly recommend that if you ever get a chance of a weekend trip to Dortmund, Schalke, St Pauli or even Monchengladbach, it will be well worth your time.