Newcastle United underachieved massively last season when finishing behind Manchester United | OneFootball

The job of managing and coaching a bunch of footballers demands plenty of skills. Tactical, selectorial, diplomatic, just for starters.

Exactly how do you motivate a teenage millionaire?

At the elite level, The Gaffer must possess piles of patience, especially when put in front of the press (that’s enough alliteration, thanks) to face yet more inane questions.

One of Eddie Howe’s many assets is his ability to play a straight bat when needed, keep his cool, show courtesy and respect, even when it is not deserved.

And avoid outlandishly weird comments.

Which brings me to a strange Dutchman. No, not the fake Netherlander who will forever be known as Schteve McClaren because of the bizarre continental accent he favoured while employed by FC Twente. Just check out the internet videos if you want a laugh…

Sorry for the digression, though York’s answer to Mike Yarwood never fails to lift the mood.

No, the strange Dutchman in question is McClaren’s boss at Manchester United, Erik ten Hag, aka ETH. Having read his latest comments, at a media presentation before today’s FA Cup semi-final, perhaps his next moniker should be WTF.

Unless you have spent the past season on another planet, you will know the One True United are still doggedly pursuing a top-six finish in the Premier League and that the biggest danger to our success is the inferior outfit from Salford, formerly known as Newton Heath.

As both teams are on 50 points with six games to play and because we meet at Sold Trafford next month, I believe a few minutes taking the temperature of our rivals, is time worth spending. Yes, this is a forum for Newcastle United followers, but we cannot exist in isolation.

This is what WTF said yesterday:

“What concerns me is that in 18 months I have never had my favourite team on the pitch. Because the players are injured.

“One time [I could pick my strongest XI] was against Manchester City last season in the home game. That is my truth.”

All of which got me thinking.

First, who came up with the “that is my truth” phrase? It has faint echoes of the American Declaration of Independence, which says: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal ….”

That’s almost certainly giving it too much credit, because what it means is: “That is my opinion.” And opinion is not the same as truth, not by a long shot.

Anyway, let’s take a look at that strongest XI, selected on January 14, 2023. Be prepared to be surprised, while appreciating that football teams exist in a state of flux.

The Salfords lined up 4-2-3-1 in front of De Gea. A back four of Wan-Bissaka, Varane, Shaw and Malacia; Casemiro and Fred holding in midfield, behind Fernandes, Eriksen and Rashford. Martial was the lone striker.

Yes, in the weird world of WTF, those players were the best of the best.

This is my truth: Newcastle United underachieved massively last season by allowing Manchester United to finish one place ahead of us. I put that down to luck, even though the late, great Johan Cruyff said it doesn’t exist.

And if we cannot finish above them this season, despite being unable to field our strongest team (including substitutes) in any game, we will have underachieved again.

When we go to Sold Trafford on May 15, we must tonk them good and proper, in front of the millions watching on Sky. That would be four in a row, including the win at St James’ Park 12 months ago.