Klopp can stick his resignation – give us the 2022/23 Premier League manager merry-go-round again | OneFootball

We will always have the 2022/23 Premier League season

Last season ended with Sam Allardyce, Dean Smith and Frank Lampard in Premier League employment. Forget Jurgen Klopp’s long farewell; give us Nathan Jones.

As Andy Bernard once put it: “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Looking at the contract expiry dates of every current Premier League manager, it brought to mind how less than a year ago the coaching ranks of England’s actual top flight, the Greatest League In The World, included Sam Allardyce, Dean Smith, Frank Lampard and Ruben Selles.

In order, they are: unemployed; head coach of Charlotte FC; unemployed; head coach of Reading.

A ranking of the 40 individuals who oversaw at least one Premier League game last season is an engrossing shrine of rank incompetence. Four of the bottom five are currently out of work; the other is in the Saudi Arabian mid-table on a run of nine games without a win. Four of the bottom five were England midfielders tipped for great things.

The odd one out was Cristian Stellini, whose performance earned a bed-ridden Antonio Conte a Premier League Manager of the Month nomination in February and saw him promoted to interim manager upon his compatriot’s inevitably furious departure in March, before being sacked himself in April.

He wasn’t even the most noteworthy caretaker. That was how Gary O’Neil started out at Bournemouth and he is part of the coaching furniture now. Ryan Mason made Spurs feel something, as his contract states he must every other April. Michael Skubala had three games in charge of Leeds and two of them were against Man Utd. Bruno Saltor helped Chelsea keep their last clean sheet of the season and they played 11 games after he left. Roy Hodgson tricked Crystal Palace into giving him the permanent job by turning them into the country’s most potent attacking force. Leicester helped relegate themselves by keeping Adam Sadler in place for two winnable home matches they promptly lost before going down by two points. Aaron Danks had two tries in the Aston Villa dug-out, both winning and losing 4-0.

For fear of leaning a little too hard into the ‘dudes can literally just sit around and name old sports players and have the best time’ thing, it is almost impossible not to do precisely that for the Premier League managers of 2022/23.

Allardyce replaced Javi Gracia! Thomas Tuchel is being schooled by Xabi Alonso but was a Premier League manager a literal season ago! Bruno Lage, Ralph Hasenhuttl and Jesse Marsch were all there and are each currently out of work! Nathan Jones has had to drop down to League One when all we want is to update the greatest quotes of his time at Southampton in which he torched his career but still stopped Manchester City winning the Quadruple!

This season has been pathetic by comparison. Positively risible. An embarrassing effort all around. Two managerial changes. Two. And while Villa took 12 days to take the chasmic leap between Gerrard and Unai Emery, and Wolves sacked Lage on October 2, giving *checks notes* Steve Davis the temporary keys until Julen Lopetegui took over on November 14, both Sheffield United and Nottingham Forest replaced their managers within a day.

No chance for some random to pop up on the touchline or in awkward press conferences where they repeat that they are Just Here To Do A Job For As Long As The Club Needs Me. No member of the former manager’s coaching staff being drafted in on the pretence they weren’t already taking training and doing all the drills. Nothing. Chris Wilder was basically appointed before Paul Heckingbottom was sacked but that is as close to farce as the Premier League manager merry-go-round has come so far.

And that is frankly disappointing. We are on course to end the season with 18 of the same managers who started it in precisely the same place, despite a great number of teams in the league under-performing. The two new faces are also entirely old, one returning to his former post and the other on his third Premier League job with a Saudi sojourn in between.

Without advocating for owners and chairmen to start indiscriminately pulling the trigger, at least give us something. We can’t keep pretending Newcastle are going to replace Eddie Howe with Jose Mourinho, particularly now they’re good again. Jurgen Klopp tried to inject some drama but a summer resignation is the last thing we need when Lampard, Smith and Allardyce are waiting in the wings for more sudden mid-season work.

The 2022/23 season really did spoil us and we never realised.

F365 Says