📝 In a parallel universe ... Angry Erling Haaland's revenge 🇩🇪 | OneFootball

If the coronavirus epidemic hadn’t brought football to a halt, we would have been enjoying an exciting round of Bundesliga action this weekend.

Here’s what may have happened if the games hadn’t been suspended by the coronavirus …

Don’t make Haaland angry

Borussia Dortmund crashed out of the Champions League in midweek against a classless Paris Saint-Germain side, who mocked Erling Haaland in victory.

But the world found out in the Revierderby that you should never make the talented teenager mad.

He took his frustrations against Neymar and co. out on Schalke as he scored SIX times to inspire his side to an 8-0 victory – BVB’s biggest ever win in this fixture.

Bayern Munich-bound Alexander Nübel was unfortunately up to his old tricks again, with the other two Dortmund goals coming from the Schalke ‘keeper fumbling into his own net.

Historic win for Union

Union Berlin welcomed Bayern Munich to town in top flight action for the first time in their history and made it a day fans of the club will never forget.

Having already stunned Dortmund at home this season, they blew the title race back open in a big way with a 1-0 win in the capital.

Manuel Neuer may be in line for a long suspension down the stretch too – he took his frustration with VAR out on the monitor by kicking it to the ground after his side were denied three goals in the game.

50+1 bites Leipzig back

There was a sense of irony in Leipzig as Freiburg scored a very late winner to ensure the home side failed to make the most of Bayern’s slip.

With the game poised at 3-3, Luca Waldschmidt popped up with a 96th minute goal to win it for his side. Or in the 50+1 minute of the second half, if you will.

After the game, everyone’s favourite Bundesliga tactician Christian Streich took the opportunity to warn everyone in his press conference about a dangerous virus spreading in China that should be taken seriously.

Let’s hope people pay heed …

Bremen overcome injuries at last

Werder Bremen are probably wishing the coronavirus had hit them this year as opposed to a bug of a different kind – the injury bug which has decimated their season.

Florian Kohfeldt may be the unluckiest coach in the division but he relied on all his nous to pull off a big win for his team in their fight against the drop at Bayer Leverkusen.

He had to hand three youth team players debuts as the fitness chaos rumbles on at the club but they came good to propel the team to a 4-0 win.

Okay, that may be pushing it a little too far.

This Bremen side keeping a clean sheet? Cmon.

And elsewhere …

Hertha also picked up a big win in their bid to beat the drop as Krzysztof Piatek scored the only goal away to Hoffenheim.

His traditional ‘poom poom’ celebration was perceived as a threatening gesture by the home side’s sensitive owner Dietmar Hopp, who campaigned for the striker to be suspended afterwards.

Heiko Herrlich took charge of Augsburg for the first and last time against Wolfsburg.

Wout Weghorst and Admir Mehmedi both scored hat-tricks and the 6-0 defeat resulted in Augsburg swiftly sacking their new coach after just one game.

After losing the derby in midweek, Köln bounced back against Mainz as they displayed their set-piece prowess once more.

They took their goal tally from corner kicks this season to a league-leading 12 with four goals coming from headers in a 4-1 victory. Cornering the market indeed!

Parallel universe, real universe it doesn’t really matter. We think that Fortuna Düsseldorf and Paderborn’s nervy relegation six-pointer had 0-0 written all over it.

As for Eintracht Frankfurt-Borussia Mönchengladbach? That one screams goals. A 4-4 thriller? A 6-5 home win? Take your pick.